Ms Erica Phoenix

Thoughts on hobbyists in relationships & marriages?

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Quote Originally Posted by druiddude432 View Post
It always fascinated me how people in relationships or marriages seek out sps. I mean these folks make up for a large portions of an sps clientele. I guess I'm just too naive, young and haven't been stuck in relationships or marriages but would love to hear your thoughts?

I know that in marriages things get boring after awhile, after kids and work...

Best,
It's not just that sex gets boring. As another poster mentioned, there's the changes that happen to the female body after childbirth, menopause, & C-sections/hysterectomy! Having only experienced one of the three, I can only speak for those women who've had hysterectomies, & help shed some light on it.
I never had kids: I had a complete hysterectomy at 44 to prevent the advancement of cervical cancer. My uterus was removed but my ovaries were not: I didn't need to start menopause while recovering from 2 major surgeries! However, I VIVIDLY remember about 2 weeks into my recovery, I was reading the 'What To Expect After Your Hysterectomy" pamphlet while stuck on 8 weeks' bed rest. There was a single sentence that read "some women may experience a change in sexual function." When I realized what that meant, I panicked.

I was one of those women who experiences really strong intrauterine contractions during orgasm: without my uterus, was I still going to be able to orgasm? Was the incision across my lower abdomen going to cause issues? What about scar tissue? What about...so many things! I didn't have anyone really to talk to about it either, because who was I going to ask? My mom? My doctor? And until I was healed enough to test drive the equipment again, I worried.

Now, I was already a very sexually liberated woman, so I had no issues trying new things & new ways to satisfy myself & experience sexual pleasure. For women of my generation & those before me, I don't think this is always the case! Until the 1970s, North American women weren't conditioned to consider their own sexual pleasure, and in previous generations were actually taught to just "do their marital duty". Sex was something to be endured, not enjoyed! In these days, it was common practice to go ahead & remove everything in a radical hysterectomy. After all, if you didn't need the uterus to grow a baby in, you surely didn't need the eggs, either, right??? My own mother went into early menopause before 40 after an emergency hysterectomy. When your body is no longer producing sex hormones because your doctor has removed your ovaries, your sexual desire is going to wane without hormone replacement therapy, and that's always been a touchy subject for many women! Then there's that need for intimacy; the hugs, the cuddles, the physical touch we all crave & require.

I think for many women, that gets fulfilled by their interactions with their young children, & so the husband may feel like his needs are being neglected. Their role as mother overtakes their role of 'wife'. Even when we don't have kids, as women we get our fill of being touched by other people in all sorts of ways in our lives. When we want to help ourselves feel better, we go for a spa day! We get massages, pedicures, facials: we lie in the presence of a sympathetic stranger, with dim lights, soft music & we let ourselves relax while they touch us! Wives may also avoid intimacy because they don't want to risk additional pregnancies, because they are just too damn tired after working fulltime & parenting, etc., or because complications after a C-section/hysterectomy means that sex is no longer enjoyable or downright painful! Does she tell her doctor or her husband, or does she just endure painful sex until he stops asking? This leads to that resentment, that distance, & ultimately, to searching elsewhere to get that husband's physical needs met.

Going back to Maslow again: sex is a basic human need! Does it count as an affair if there's no emotional component? Is it "cheating" when there is money involved? I think that some men are able to rationalize/justify seeing SPs rather than have affairs because they do, legitimately, love their wives and are happy in all aspects of their relationships EXCEPT in the physical sphere. That's when I think that seeing an SP can actually help to strengthen longstanding relationships, and those clients seem to be the happiest people in many ways! Ultimately though, I very much agree that the idea of monogamy is an imposed social construct & religious doctrine rather than a natural human state. We're merely the most highly evolved primates, after all...so far! (Damn dirty apes!)[/QUOTE]
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