About three years ago, I wrote the following rather long ode to a dancer with whom I was admittedly quite smitten and the night she said those three little words to me. If anyone is interested, here's the link:
A Strip Club Serenade
In the past year, I've had two more dancers say it in one way or another to me. The one, who is my current VIP dancer of first choice and has been for a long time now, has said it on more than one occasion. In fact, she said it again to me earlier tonight. Sometimes, I think she says it because she thinks that it's something I need to hear. The first time she said it, she said it in a natural, unguarded moment and I didn't know what to think. I can't even imagine the blank stare that met her from me as she said it. It was the last thing I wanted from her at the time. When I think back on that moment now though, I wish I had shown more compassion... or some sense of what that should've meant to me. I've tried to fight it over time but I have to admit that I feel something pretty strong for her these days. I don't know that it's love exactly but there is definitely something there.
The thing about feelings is that we can try to analyse them. We can attempt to rationalize them away. Talk ourselves out of them or ultimately justify them. But all of the rational thought in the world won't change them. That's why we call them "feelings" and not "well thought out convictions".
Is it foolish to utter the word "love" in this past time? You're damn right it is! But love makes fools of us all. And the last time before tonight that this VIP dancer said she loved me... yeah... I said it right back to her.