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Relationship question

Should your SO be hanging out with ex BF's/GF's while in a monogamous relationship?

  • Yes.

    Votes: 5 6.4%
  • Yes, only if their relationship is purely platonic.

    Votes: 7 9.0%
  • Relax they're just friends, you're being paranoid.

    Votes: 10 12.8%
  • Maybe, depends on the history.

    Votes: 24 30.8%
  • No, not under any circumstance.

    Votes: 13 16.7%
  • No, your SO is being completely selfish & not taking your feelings into account.

    Votes: 18 23.1%
  • Other.

    Votes: 1 1.3%

  • Total voters
    78
  • Poll closed .

athaire

Inactive Pooner
Aug 18, 2006
2,468
13
38
57
Land of the living skies
Should your SO be hanging out with ex BF's/GF's while in a committed/monogamous relationship?
 

FortunateOne

Banned
Jan 29, 2008
1,695
10
0
vancouver
They're EX's for a reason. If they can be civil enough to get along, that's just a bonus for everyone. Doesn't mean they're going to re-visit why they broke up.
 

athaire

Inactive Pooner
Aug 18, 2006
2,468
13
38
57
Land of the living skies
There are no children involved so that's not a factor.
 

maxx50

New member
Sep 15, 2004
1,063
1
0
69
Victoria
I have a dressed this before

Was it here or over on the other board that i talked about this exact thing..
Many did not understand at the time.."What the hell is baling about"
But this was it.
My vote here was Yes..
And in my thread I was asking can SO accept that fact that there were other relationships in your life.. and that you just don;t turn all those feeling off now because they are there now.. You may even feel more for them then you have felt for anyone else before but you still care about others also .
I don't think it is and easy situation .. because there always is the jealousy thing we all have it , it can manifest in many way.
What I thought should make it a little easier to understand is the nature of the relationship we have often found ourselves in with the girls we see .. or the guys the girls see..

There was something a girl told me the other day that had me thing on this situation today.
She said that if she was with a guy that was committed to her and not seeing other girls/ escorts she would quit the business , because she did not think it would be right to continu. being an escort..
The thing is that in some relationships is it the right thing to do and in others it is not .. you never know what actually each other is wanting
As for previous friends and acquaintances from the business or out side the business .. i think you have to deal with them one by one as the situation a appears and see if it is a problem or not..
Love brings us together . but respect is what is alway need to maintain that relationship.. and respect can take on many forms Respecting each others love for the other and not straining it unnecessarily, respecting each others feelings and individuality Then there is the hard part being able to talk with each other and find out where each one is coming from and what they are expecting from the relationship. and if you are both on the same page.

But you know my solution to the situation .. just invite every one to a good old fashion orgy.. problem solved.:)
 

Aynia

Banned
Mar 30, 2007
128
2
0
48
Depends

But to be honest... I have never experienced a great deal of time with an EX that didn't end up compromising:eek: I can however understand those that are parents being platonic and carrying a mutual relationship to benefit the previous family unit.

It is certainly possible, but in truth we do tend to forget about the bad and spending "good/non fighting" time tends to push the negativity even futher back.

Course, I am female and single....and relationships in general are tough..so what the hell do I know:p
 

Miss*Bijou

Sexy Troublemaker
Nov 9, 2006
3,138
44
48
Montréal
What, advertisers can't vote? :rolleyes:

Holy crap! Is that what it is?? I have never been able to vote on a poll (until now) but never thought it was because I was an advertiser? :confused: That's kinda dumb! (PS: what's with the feet on your banner? :p )



As for my answer to the poll --
I also went with relax, they're just friends.. unless the situation is extreme, it's your own insecurities doing the talking.. But if they are just friends and still hang out once in a while.. this is up to you to deal with these insecurities, not for her to give in or made to feel guilty for your jealousy, though it might help to discuss it with her ;)
 

Very Veronica

Banned
Aug 2, 2004
1,770
7
0
Vancouver
i'd vote relax too but i can't (and you can't)

So there you have it..women can have a relationship with an ex without wanting to jump their bones, men can't. Quel surprise! We are the better model. :rolleyes:
 

Evolve

Hypo-serious
Jun 1, 2008
246
2
0
Location Location
So there you have it..women can have a relationship with an ex without wanting to jump their bones, men can`t. Quel surprise! We are the better model. :rolleyes:
The problem is, the ex you are having a relationship with wants to jump your bones, and you know it. You are being a jerk to your ex for stringing him along and a jerk to your current boyfriend for prodding him into being jealous. All just because you want to feel good about yourself. Selfish!
Doesn`t sound the better model to me
 

A.U.D.R.E.Y

Member
Sep 12, 2006
288
4
18
Holy crap! Is that what it is?? I have never been able to vote on a poll (until now) but never thought it was because I was an advertiser? :confused: That's kinda dumb! (PS: what's with the feet on your banner? :p )
No kidding. Those aren't my feet, I just haven't gotten around to creating a new banner for my website :p.

As for my answer to the poll --
I also went with relax, they're just friends.. unless the situation is extreme, it's your own insecurities doing the talking.. But if they are just friends and still hang out once in a while.. this is up to you to deal with these insecurities, not for her to give in or made to feel guilty for your jealousy, though it might help to discuss it with her ;)
That's exactly how I feel, especially the part in bold.

Going out for the occasional coffee, like once or twice a year, to catch up isn't a big deal IMO.

Although I'd only do this with certain ex's, the ones where we had remained friends but never with someone I still had romantic feelings for.
 

A.U.D.R.E.Y

Member
Sep 12, 2006
288
4
18
Hey athaire. When you check the results of your poll later, don't forget to add 3 votes for Relax, they're only friends ;).

Its not fair that us Advertisers can't vote :cool:.
 

xoxo Amie

New member
Sep 27, 2005
364
9
0
Vancouver
when in doubt, go with your belly feel :p

there is a difference between a casual coffee and a blatant challenge to ur Alpha-status by having the Beta-ex's still hanging around...

find yourself a SO with whom u share common beliefs and values

maybe that way, it is less of an issue of entitlement
and more a gift of devotion & loyalty
 
Last edited:

Goldenrod

Banned
Jul 1, 2008
114
0
0
This is obviously something that is currently bothering you so I can only assume your main squeeze has been hanging out with ex's and it's not sitting well with you.

I can agree in some instances as I voted 'depends on the history' but if you have a solid, monogamous relationship then I think you need to ease up and let it happen. Keeping a tight leash on anyone is NOT generally a good idea.

However, if you're insecure (and I think maybe this is you) then having someone you care about (an SO) seeing someone she was intimate with leaves you with an uncomfortable feeling as you clearly don't trust her as you see yourself to be less appealing than the ex - hence the nervousness in letting her persue a platonic relationship with someone from her past.

I would ask yourself why you have the heebie jeebies when it comes to watching her walk out the door to meet the ex at the coffee shop down the street.

Is it that you don't trust HER because of her past behaviour or is it YOUR insecurities playing out?
 

athaire

Inactive Pooner
Aug 18, 2006
2,468
13
38
57
Land of the living skies
The problem is, the ex you are having a relationship with wants to jump your bones, and you know it. You are being a jerk to your ex for stringing him along and a jerk to your current boyfriend for prodding him into being jealous. All just because you want to feel good about yourself. Selfish!
Doesn`t sound the better model to me
Doesn`t sound like the better model to me either when you look at it in those terms......

Its not fair that us Advertisers can`t vote :cool:.
Sniff.......:rolleyes:

when in doubt, go with your belly feel :p

.

find yourself a SO with whom u share common beliefs and values

maybe that way, it is less of an issue of entitlement
and more a gift of devotion & loyalty
My SO and I have already worked this issue through. The point of the poll was to demonstrate that I wasn`t totally out to lunch with some of my thoughts on the subject.

This is obviously something that is currently bothering you so I can only assume your main squeeze has been hanging out with ex`s and it`s not sitting well with you.

I can agree in some instances as I voted `depends on the history` but if you have a solid, monogamous relationship then I think you need to ease up and let it happen. Keeping a tight leash on anyone is NOT generally a good idea.

However, if you`re insecure (and I think maybe this is you) then having someone you care about (an SO) seeing someone she was intimate with leaves you with an uncomfortable feeling as you clearly don`t trust her as you see yourself to be less appealing than the ex - hence the nervousness in letting her persue a platonic relationship with someone from her past.

I would ask yourself why you have the heebie jeebies when it comes to watching her walk out the door to meet the ex at the coffee shop down the street.

Is it that you don`t trust HER because of her past behaviour or is it YOUR insecurities playing out?
I suppose some of my issues with the whole thing in the beginning as I explained to my SO was the fact that in several previous relationships I have had things turn sour when ex`s were involved. So of course immediately my antennae is up.......

Insecurities would also be a small factor in the equation. Though not to the extent your post would indicate......;)
 

bcneil

I am from BC
Aug 24, 2007
2,099
0
0
So there you have it..women can have a relationship with an ex without wanting to jump their bones, men can't. Quel surprise! We are the better model. :rolleyes:
how does that work then?
I thought it took two to tango?
 
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