Divorce Question
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Don't give her anything!!!
Tell your buddy, not to give into this bitch for anything...fight for every red cent and the kids (if that is what he wants).
Once the courts rule on his side (hopefully), he should show up with SP's when he picks up and drops off the kids.
Also, tell him to purchase new toys, like fancy sports cars, clothes, and always be smiling when the bitch is around.
Tell your buddy, not to give into this bitch for anything...fight for every red cent and the kids (if that is what he wants).
Once the courts rule on his side (hopefully), he should show up with SP's when he picks up and drops off the kids.
Also, tell him to purchase new toys, like fancy sports cars, clothes, and always be smiling when the bitch is around.
You got to be kidding right? Oh yeah you're the one who lives in the basement of his mom's house. Perhaps you should go back to your D & D cards.
Although I agree with that out of the principal it also serves another purpose. The more you can keep your hands on the stronger is your position down the line when you're negotiating for more time with kids. Ex's being the whores that they are will trade goodies/payments/anything u feel throwing at them in reutrn for giving him more access.
As long as he hasn't done anything harmful to the kids and has a good lawyer, he should be able to get joint custody. Keep in mind though, alamony and child support are a hell of alot higher when you go to court versus mediation. If your friend was a good father I wish him well.
Yes
Yes, but she was probably more visible at school functions. I'll ask him.
Not abusive, and isn't no fault divorce law in effect?
I appreciate the shared knowledge. This is exactly why I posted the question here.
I couldn't agree more. I am hoping he will be successful. Otherwise I think it will do him in.
I went thru the same thing - the only reason they want sole custody
is to punish you as well as to maximize the cash coming their way.If
you get 50/50 the child support goes way down even to zero depending
on each others income. Wait it out don't rush into a settlement just keep
saying no you will tire them out and she'll settle. Just don't get your lawyer
to keep sending letters back and forth that will run up the billings. Wait
weeks between replying and she'll finally want to get it over with especially
if you tell her lets go to court.Unless there is some abusive history you'll
get shared custody cause the courts know that is best.
is to punish you as well as to maximize the cash coming their way.If
you get 50/50 the child support goes way down even to zero depending
on each others income. Wait it out don't rush into a settlement just keep
saying no you will tire them out and she'll settle. Just don't get your lawyer
to keep sending letters back and forth that will run up the billings. Wait
weeks between replying and she'll finally want to get it over with especially
if you tell her lets go to court.Unless there is some abusive history you'll
get shared custody cause the courts know that is best.
Sounds like you need a priest. She wants custody of his soul, sounds like Satan is a broad.
Really though, fight it unless as others have mentioned there are circumstances that will sink him, violence, pooning, etc. In the normal course of events that lead to a split, Judges will try to see to it that kids have proper contact with both parents. Not everybody will agree with this, but if your friend is on the ball and doen't have a problem with the courts, isn't intimidated by them, tell him to represent himself. Case Law is not a big issue in Family Law, the character, demeanor, attitudes of the parties are. You can tell a Judge who and what you are as a parent better then any lawyer.
My heart goes out to your friend and his soon to be ex-wife. No matter how you cut it divorce is a tough road, especially where kids are concerned.
3 things I'd recommend your friend do:
1. educate himself as much as possible no matter what approach he takes (i.e. separation agreement before divorce, mediation, no fault divorce, custody agreement, etc). Talking to judges, lawyers and or mediators is much easier when a person is informed. Every hour spent informing one's self saves hours and dollars later in many cases. I am amazed at how much stuff is available at public libraries these days. In fact a lady friend who is a librarian told me there is currently a special provincial initiative underway to ensure up to date legal materials are available in all public libraries. There will often be specialized manuals to help with divorce and separation matters. Maybe even forms. Same stuff will be available in book stores too. If you're in Vancouver the law society library at the provincial courthouse is great and they do have some hours available for the general public. He should take the time to get help from the reference librarians as they will save him a lot of time. Don't be shy with these folks, they are there to help.
2. Most important is to consider the long term impact his approach will have on his children. At the time of my divorce I had to decide how much nastiness I was willing to generate in fighting for my kids. Believe it or not some adult friends whose parents divorced when they were young tell me that their parents fighting is what left them most alienated from their parents. In my case I made the decision to let my wife win her custody terms in hopes my kids would come to see the truth about their mother (who was no danger to them or I would never have taken that approach). Today I have a close relationship with all my kids who remain alienated from their mother because of her attitude. I don't like that they are still angry at their mother but I do feel that my short-term loss (which was very hard at the time) allowed me to have a longterm outcome that makes things great for me and my kids today. Of course only your friend can make that choice within the specific situation of his divorce.
3. Recognize that the system, even in the day of no-fault divorce, is often poised to make things adversarial no matter how anyone feels. The system simply seems "rigged" that way at times. My ex and I actually had a fight with our judge and lawyers on this matter.Strange but true. I'll never forget the two of us having to stand up to judge and lawyers to defend our choice to have the most amicable divorce possible. The assumption was that I was making threats in the background and that she was an overly passive or battered wife (boy were they wrong!). The fact that I was a life-long pacifist with absolutely no history of violence meant nothing. Weird.
3 things I'd recommend your friend do:
1. educate himself as much as possible no matter what approach he takes (i.e. separation agreement before divorce, mediation, no fault divorce, custody agreement, etc). Talking to judges, lawyers and or mediators is much easier when a person is informed. Every hour spent informing one's self saves hours and dollars later in many cases. I am amazed at how much stuff is available at public libraries these days. In fact a lady friend who is a librarian told me there is currently a special provincial initiative underway to ensure up to date legal materials are available in all public libraries. There will often be specialized manuals to help with divorce and separation matters. Maybe even forms. Same stuff will be available in book stores too. If you're in Vancouver the law society library at the provincial courthouse is great and they do have some hours available for the general public. He should take the time to get help from the reference librarians as they will save him a lot of time. Don't be shy with these folks, they are there to help.
2. Most important is to consider the long term impact his approach will have on his children. At the time of my divorce I had to decide how much nastiness I was willing to generate in fighting for my kids. Believe it or not some adult friends whose parents divorced when they were young tell me that their parents fighting is what left them most alienated from their parents. In my case I made the decision to let my wife win her custody terms in hopes my kids would come to see the truth about their mother (who was no danger to them or I would never have taken that approach). Today I have a close relationship with all my kids who remain alienated from their mother because of her attitude. I don't like that they are still angry at their mother but I do feel that my short-term loss (which was very hard at the time) allowed me to have a longterm outcome that makes things great for me and my kids today. Of course only your friend can make that choice within the specific situation of his divorce.
3. Recognize that the system, even in the day of no-fault divorce, is often poised to make things adversarial no matter how anyone feels. The system simply seems "rigged" that way at times. My ex and I actually had a fight with our judge and lawyers on this matter.Strange but true. I'll never forget the two of us having to stand up to judge and lawyers to defend our choice to have the most amicable divorce possible. The assumption was that I was making threats in the background and that she was an overly passive or battered wife (boy were they wrong!). The fact that I was a life-long pacifist with absolutely no history of violence meant nothing. Weird.
A key to remember in a divorce-If you didn't hate her when you split you'll
sure hate her after the lawyers and system are done. It is amazing how
twisted women become in a divorce.
Just stand up for whats right, many wives will do whatever it takes
to get back at their spouse regardless of the kids. You need to keep
a level head thru it all and do what's right for the kids.
Go see "For the Sake of the Children" which the family court
system puts on. It s a 2 night seminar which will point out what
you may run into and how to make the right choices for your kids.
sure hate her after the lawyers and system are done. It is amazing how
twisted women become in a divorce.
Just stand up for whats right, many wives will do whatever it takes
to get back at their spouse regardless of the kids. You need to keep
a level head thru it all and do what's right for the kids.
Go see "For the Sake of the Children" which the family court
system puts on. It s a 2 night seminar which will point out what
you may run into and how to make the right choices for your kids.
Well, there has been alot of good advice on here. My two cents are, just fight. the 50/50 thing is law unless you are a lazy bastard and roll over. I've just finished up myself and I can attest to that.
As long as he is stable (job and home) the court has no reason to deny him his 50% unless of extra special circumstances (abusive behaviour, etc)
The new Family law act mandates that the kids receive maximum exposure to both parents (ie. 50% a piece).
In Alberta the program is called "Parenting after Divorce" and if he ever wants to file anything he HAS to take it. Just take it anyways it a good course only 2 evenings (I think) or a saturday of your time.
As long as he is stable (job and home) the court has no reason to deny him his 50% unless of extra special circumstances (abusive behaviour, etc)
The new Family law act mandates that the kids receive maximum exposure to both parents (ie. 50% a piece).
In Alberta the program is called "Parenting after Divorce" and if he ever wants to file anything he HAS to take it. Just take it anyways it a good course only 2 evenings (I think) or a saturday of your time.
Family Justice Worker
Again, there aren't a lot of specifics mentioned, and every case is different, BUT...
If there's a chance that the ex will go for it, try going through a Family Justice Worker, a FREE gov't service listed in the blue pages. The worker will help the two ex-partners bang out a separation agreement which, when signed and witnessed, is legally binding. The worker is neutral, each party is adviced to seek independent legal counsel, and there is no coercion either way. It's really worth a shot.
No matter what, a divorce is gonna be $$$ and maddening, so it's best for both partners and the kids to keep it out of court and as friendly as possible. I'd put it to the ex in these terms (ie, everyone's best interest), and try to be the nice guy before I hafta get all confrontational.
Try to take the high road when possible....in the long run, it'll pay off (been there/done that).
Take heart
Again, there aren't a lot of specifics mentioned, and every case is different, BUT...
If there's a chance that the ex will go for it, try going through a Family Justice Worker, a FREE gov't service listed in the blue pages. The worker will help the two ex-partners bang out a separation agreement which, when signed and witnessed, is legally binding. The worker is neutral, each party is adviced to seek independent legal counsel, and there is no coercion either way. It's really worth a shot.
No matter what, a divorce is gonna be $$$ and maddening, so it's best for both partners and the kids to keep it out of court and as friendly as possible. I'd put it to the ex in these terms (ie, everyone's best interest), and try to be the nice guy before I hafta get all confrontational.
Try to take the high road when possible....in the long run, it'll pay off (been there/done that).
Take heart
The fact is, she will be told by her lawyer (If he's worth the money), that it is extremely difficult to get anything but joint custody without direct proof (police reports, etc.) of abuse. The most she can go for without that is Final Say and/or Primary Control. These are usually only given if the parents live far apart and is given so that documents can be signed for emergency purposes and decisions made without the other parent having to be contacted, which could harm the child due to the wait in medical care. This does not include name changes, visitation decisions, or anything else that would rob parental rights.
The courts themselves (though not all lawyers), are generally geared to joint custody.
The courts themselves (though not all lawyers), are generally geared to joint custody.
Hey alinburnaby,
I believe she has initiated the divorce action. I did ask him directly about any relationships. He says he doesn't have anyone, and doesn't believe she does either. Either way she seems determined to make it ugly. That worries me as maybe he isn't being completely upfront with me.
