You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you
wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
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A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late."
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.
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You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
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Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
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First guy: "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex
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The husband had just finished his book "Man of the house." He stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!" I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?
His wife replied, "The funeral director."
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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you
wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
------------------------------------------------------------------
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
First guy: "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex
--------------------------------------------------------------------
The husband had just finished his book "Man of the house." He stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!" I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?
His wife replied, "The funeral director."