How Would you Feel ?

D.W.B

Banned
Feb 18, 2005
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If you were involved in a serious relationship and discovered that your sig other was a sp?

Would you feel betrayed and hurt that she would keep something like that from you,or would you be be happy as long as she was emotionally satisfied and mentally healthy?

I think the deceit would probably hurt me more than the infidelty,although im sure both would really be unpleasant to deal with.

Not to mention the health risks involved with a cheating partner.

Im hitting middle age and the world of romance has changed alot and i have to wonder if expecting your mate to be faithful and honest is silly and old fashioned.

What do you guys think?
 

wannabeslut

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Oct 27, 2006
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I think open relationships are the way to go. I think they're tough, but more realistic than monogamy. I don't think the majority of monagmous couples are actually faithful to each other.

If two people are in an open relationship, and honest about everything that happens, then that's the ideal relationship, in my opinion.

But if you tell your partner that you will be faithful in a monogamous relationship, and you aren't, then it's wrong. You should either be faithful, or tell your partner that you want an open relationship.

It's only cheating if you're lying and hiding things. It's not cheating if the partner knows what's going on, and agrees with it.
 

alyb

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Apr 9, 2007
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Good post...

I think that loving someone is a tricky thing, because people are ever changing, and to say that you will do one thing for the rest of your life is a little silly, especially when you say it very young.

You can love someone, regardless whether they're an SP or not, no doubt, and I think freakychef can tell you that from what I've read through his posts, but the problem isn't the actions of people so much as what society tells us to believe.

Everywhere we turn, we have Dr.Phil telling us what marriage is, yet his wife has had more botox than... well lets just not go there. His son is also married to a Playboy Playmate with implants and her two other sisters look exactly the same. Now, coming from a guy who preaches all of these things like, being an individual, being real, getting real... well, I don't think he's a great example.

On the other hand, you have men who are completely "faithful" getting sucked into porn, neglecting their wives even though they're not cheating....

You've got people marrying because of pregnancy.

You've got people doing all kinds of things... my point is.... we are all human, and love is a strange thing.

I say, you should love someone because of who they are, not because of what they necessarily do (if they're an SP for example), not just because I am one, and my significant other is only aware of certain aspects of what I do, but because its what I believe, and its too fu*cking hard to get other people to believe that to tell you the truth, even though its logical.
 

alyb

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Apr 9, 2007
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so hypothetical here...

Lets say there is a girl whose signifcant other only knows certain aspects of her life as an SP, but not the whole story.

Lets say they have been together on and off (mostly on, sometimes off) for the last 5 1/2 years, have a kid, and otherwise are comfortable with each other and happy.

Do you think knowing that he would probably just go out and have a fit, screw 20 girls in an effort to even the score (maybe not safely, mind you), slam back drinks all night, want to take the kid, etc.... is the way to go?

No way, I'd have to disagree. I think that we all lie, in some way or another, be it how much we make, what our interests are, our level of faithfulness, etc.... and that not hurting someone because they just wouldn't understand is out of the question, especially when there are kids involved, and that goes for the pooners too.

Guys, if you've pooned, and you feel guilty, I would NOT tell your spouse and turn it into a 5 year ordeal. If you feel bad, stop doing it, if you don't... then don't stop. Live your life and think with your own head.

People are meant to get together to enhance each others lives, not worry each other about stupid stuff....

Play safe.
 

athaire

Inactive Pooner
Aug 18, 2006
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Land of the living skies
I think open relationships are the way to go. I think they're tough, but more realistic than monogamy. I don't think the majority of monagmous couples are actually faithful to each other.

If two people are in an open relationship, and honest about everything that happens, then that's the ideal relationship, in my opinion.

But if you tell your partner that you will be faithful in a monogamous relationship, and you aren't, then it's wrong. You should either be faithful, or tell your partner that you want an open relationship.

It's only cheating if you're lying and hiding things. It's not cheating if the partner knows what's going on, and agrees with it.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
What he said.........
 

alyb

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Apr 9, 2007
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i have also heard...

that 25% of males within the first 10 years of their marriage have been unfaithful... will need to look into it more to see if that stat is close or not...but i believe that was on the radio a few years back.

btw, if you wanted to book an appointment with me, all you had to do was ask nicely ;) i know this was directed at me. he's kinda got it out for me today, as many people seem to be "shocked and amazed" that i actually have a love life lol.
 

athaire

Inactive Pooner
Aug 18, 2006
2,468
13
38
57
Land of the living skies
that 25% of males within the first 10 years of their marriage have been unfaithful... will need to look into it more to see if that stat is close or not...but i believe that was on the radio a few years back.

btw, if you wanted to book an appointment with me, all you had to do was ask nicely ;) i know this was directed at me. he's kinda got it out for me today, as many people seem to be "shocked and amazed" that i actually have a love life lol.
Why would people be shocked and amazed? You seem like bright young woman with a great head on your shoulders. You also come across as someone that is in control of her life, all very admirable qualities.......;)
 

freakychef

Unregistered Abuser
Apr 23, 2003
727
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In my own imagination!!
Again love is love..........

..sex is sex. Be honest it hurts to know that you signifigant other is an sp however if you can sepperate it as just work, recreation and love, then open relationships can work. Love is about connecting on a deeper level than just the physical. To me thats why relationships fail. That and honesty and communication. People are people and we are all vulnerable to temptation and physical needs. how we deal with them is what makes us adults and mature. IMO
 

alyb

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Apr 9, 2007
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Very true, freakychef

the only thing i can really say is that you're very lucky to have the relationship you do, because you're both at that maturity level.

what sucks, i think, is when you have someone open-minded, paired up with someone they really care about but they just aren't that mature. (lol after all it takes some guys a little longer to catch up...)

was i this person when i began my relationship... heck no. actually, i was quite intimidated by other girls, shy, and just generally uneasy about sexuality in general. being an SP has opened me up on so many levels that if i had to stop it, to keep my relationship, i probably would, but on the other hand, i wouldn't be the same person at all. i learn something every time i step out the door, even about myself, and i wouldn't want to lose something that significant over the misunderstanding of what being an SP means to me.

some people would just never understand, hence why i cant tell friends either. even the best of friends wouldn't understand, because unless you're successful and healthy in this business no one but us really understands.... just my 2 cents.
 

D.W.B

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Feb 18, 2005
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that 25% of males within the first 10 years of their marriage have been unfaithful... will need to look into it more to see if that stat is close or not...but i believe that was on the radio a few years back.

btw, if you wanted to book an appointment with me, all you had to do was ask nicely ;) i know this was directed at me. he's kinda got it out for me today, as many people seem to be "shocked and amazed" that i actually have a love life lol.
If you read the original post i think its pretty clear that i was asking for the opinions of my fellow pooners.

I dont see how you can make this about you but if thats what your ego needs go for it.

As far as the appointment is concerned i'm not interested but thanks for the offer.
 

Nickthenoob

New member
Dec 27, 2006
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If I were involved in a serious relationship and the woman turned out to be an SP... It would be over. That's a hard question.

Ntn
 

tianna

JUST FUCKING HOT
Mar 19, 2006
945
2
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being an sp

for a long time I would date and lie about what I do.. but because I lied about that I would lie about so much more as well... and it would come to the point where I did not even behave like myself.. I was not myself.. only this self created self !!! and because of this I could never get close to someone and I pushed all men away.. plus I never treated them well either... I just kinda heartlessly dismissed them.. all because of my own issues... I can say that my actions in the pasts have broken many hearts and pisses many men off !.. but they never knew the source of my iratic behaviour.. To lie about what you do to some one you want to share your life with... the person that will be closest to you in your life.. is wrong I think now.. Everything is built on false pretences... and I have a hard time believing that it can be anything other than a big mess.. ( I'm sure that there are acceptions to this as well)
To lie to your friends and family is different I think for some reasons, just because I think we do it so they don't have to worry about us.. or for some reason think less of us.... when in fact it does not change who we are.. but that one person in your life.. like I said before the closest perosn to you that u want to build a life with .... Its not fair to him to lie..
 

freakychef

Unregistered Abuser
Apr 23, 2003
727
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In my own imagination!!
Tianna great post.........

....... I know where you are comming from as I have seen this behaviour first hand in my relationships!!! As a pooner I have lied to people like family and friends, about this as I feel they worry and would not understand either. Also to protect them! Although almost every girl I have dated I told about it from the begining.
 

alyb

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Apr 9, 2007
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i didnt say you wanted my opinion, but the post was pointed out to me by someone else mind you, and after all the crap you said to me on the other posts DWB it was pretty obvious who you were referring to with the whole deceit thing.... so point taken, don't make this about an ego. i dont need anything from you. you know that.
 

DATY Lover

Member
May 8, 2007
78
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for a long time I would date and lie about what I do.. but because I lied about that I would lie about so much more as well... and it would come to the point where I did not even behave like myself.. I was not myself.. only this self created self !!! and because of this I could never get close to someone and I pushed all men away.. plus I never treated them well either... I just kinda heartlessly dismissed them.. all because of my own issues... I can say that my actions in the pasts have broken many hearts and pisses many men off !.. but they never knew the source of my iratic behaviour.. To lie about what you do to some one you want to share your life with... the person that will be closest to you in your life.. is wrong I think now.. Everything is built on false pretences... and I have a hard time believing that it can be anything other than a big mess.. ( I'm sure that there are acceptions to this as well)
To lie to your friends and family is different I think for some reasons, just because I think we do it so they don't have to worry about us.. or for some reason think less of us.... when in fact it does not change who we are.. but that one person in your life.. like I said before the closest perosn to you that u want to build a life with .... Its not fair to him to lie..

You can always date me.... You wouldn't have to lie to me about it.... I know about the work that you do... :D It could be interesting.... What do you think ??
 
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