Asian Fever

Girls & Boys, Moms & Dads

classycarly

Change is good
Sep 21, 2006
121
1
0
For one of the first times in a very long time, I found that this morning I had a few hours completely to myself as I didn't have to be at work until this afternoon and no one but me was in the house, so I made myself a pot of tea, rolled one up and sat in my backyard enjoying the sunshine and just thinking. (When you are by yourself you start to do that). I started wondering about the relationships between parents and children, whether they be youngies or grown children and subconsciously how much of an effect the parents have on who the child grows up to be and who they pick to be their mate.

There is one school of thought that says boys marry their mothers, girls marry their fathers, which has some merit I beleive, as I have seen that firsthand, but there is another school of thought that thinks that is not the case, that children become who they are through society's expectations and their outside environment. This also has merit as some people I know who are married, ended up marrying their parent's complete opposite. What do others think about this?

I just thought that maybe this would be an interesting debate, that is educated, thought provoking and interesting. Perhaps not, but I've seen an awful lot of posts in here that shouldn't have even been started, so I figured what the heck, I'd post something I found worthwhile to discuss. Have a wonderful day everyone.:)
 

LonelyGhost

Telefunkin
Apr 26, 2004
3,935
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well ... yes and no: the thing is, in a normal, healthy, family
children's first encounters with 'flirting' is with the adult member
of the opposite sex ... so, what works for a girl to get Dad to
pay attention is what she will then use to attract boys ... and
those boys are similar to 'dad' in the sense that they respond
to how that girl has learnt to 'flirt' with dad.

As well, since 'dad' is the first 'attraction' for most girls, she
will look for 'similar' characteristics in potential mates.

In normal, healthy families, this kind of activity is innocent and
allows girls to develop healthy self-images, confidence and boundaries.

For boys, its a little more complex because if 'dad' is part of the
family then he is seen as competition for 'mom' ... boys quickly
realize that older, bigger, stronger, wealthier males are tough
competition so he starts looking outside the home to learn his
'routine'.

If dad isn't present, you get some rather needy, neurotic, possessive
little boys who think the world revolves around their little asses!

So, bottom line, most of us like what's familiar, as long as it is
pleasant and satisfying ... kids raised in a healthy home will be
attracted to the same thing ...

it also explains (to some extent) why we are attracted to people
who are really bad for us as well ...
 

jjinvan

New member
Apr 4, 2005
690
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If dad isn't present, you get some rather needy, neurotic, possessive
little boys who think the world revolves around their little asses!

So, bottom line, most of us like what's familiar, as long as it is
pleasant and satisfying ... kids raised in a healthy home will be
attracted to the same thing ...
Often if dad isn't present, mom will emotionally bond much more tightly with a boy. If this is done in a nice way, then you get the needy, neurotic, possessive guy who thinks the world revolves around him.

If it is done in a posessive, manipulating, abusive way then you get the guy who is out looking for the exact opposite of his mother.
 

classycarly

Change is good
Sep 21, 2006
121
1
0
For boys, its a little more complex because if 'dad' is part of the family then he is seen as competition for 'mom' ... boys quickly
realize that older, bigger, stronger, wealthier males are tough
competition so he starts looking outside the home to learn his
'routine'.
That is interesting. The idea of the competition between sons and fathers, and the bigger, stronger theory. This may explain why my son hops into his dad's lazy boy everytime he leaves for work or to go somewhere and then says something like, "ha ha this is my chair now", yet when dad gets home, he's out of that chair before dad even gets in the door, (with the exception of the few times he's purposely continued to sit in the chair , even after dad tells him to move), or dad goes to give me a hug and "the boy" breaks in between the two of us and says "hey, back off, that's my mom." then laughs and runs away to his room. I thought he was just being silly and insecure, but maybe not. Maybe there's underlying and sub - subconscious dynamics going on between the two, that they're not even aware of. The alpha male dilemma perhaps? Why don't girls behave that way?

However, it still behooves the question, why are we that way? What makes us tick and where do we think that started? Is it human nature or learned behavoiur from society that intrinsically creates who we are? How much of what we learn and who we are is a reflection of our parents and how much is external influences?

If dad isn't present, you get some rather needy, neurotic, possessive
little boys who think the world revolves around their little asses!
I agree with that for the most part, although there is always the exception to the rule, if the woman understands herself, is secure in her own self, is enlightened and acts accordingly,there are many good boys out there that came from mom only. I would go even further to say that boys who have no positive male influence growing up to become needy and whiny, also tend to get into more trouble because they have no clear, defined direction and often feel anger because of that. (I'm not an "expert" that is just my opinion from all the angry young men I see on the court dockets and hear talk nowadays).

it also explains (to some extent) why we are attracted to people
who are really bad for us as well ...
[/QUOTE]


That's another good question.... why are we sometimes attracted to those we have no business being involved with? Are we suckers for pain and resentment as an attribute of being human, or are we all just not listening to reason and logic for our own, (maybe even unknown to us), ulterior motives?

I also agree that manipulative, whacko mothers can raise rapists, so moral of the story is..... be nice to your boys.... but not too nice :) (just kidding) sort of.
 

bb_1950

New member
Apr 30, 2005
112
0
0
Quote: rolled one up

Only question I have is where did you get your shit as this is a deep thought:eek: :D :D
 

wilde

Sinnear Member
Jun 4, 2003
3,019
25
48
then you get the needy, neurotic, possessive guy who thinks the world revolves around him.
Would you stop describing yourself already, please?


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