Asian Fever

The Horror!

eurhythmia

Moral Bankrupt
Apr 29, 2006
163
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With the warm weather quickly approaching I’ve really cranked up my workouts at the gym to buff and cut my arms and torso. Doing so, I’ve noticed red splotches on my upper arms, back and legs. I thought I was having an allergic reaction to laundry detergent. I’m a sensitive kind of guy.

At home in my pad-o-lust and carnal desires deep in the West-End I was discovering these little red bugs. I kind of figured these things were flying through from the window from the garden. Days turned into a couple of weeks and more and more of these little red bugs kept turning up. Usually in and around my bed.

Being a busy fellow who has neither the time nor inclination to do my own housekeeping (I hire a maid service) I have to admit I don’t really have much of a clue as to what is going on in my apartment vis a vis the domestic upkeep.

So today, for some unexplainable reason (perhaps my subconscious was compelling me), I decided to have a look-see under my mattress.

Oh!!! The Horror!!! I got bugs. There were whole communities of them. I mean towns and villages with freeways and mass-transit and shopping centers. Bed bugs!

And so I did what comes naturally to a guy. I panicked.

I ripped off all the sheets and blankets and trotted them out to my living room and dumped them on my sofa. Oh, oh, I thought, about 45 minutes later while hoovering my bedroom like an AMP SP gone completely berserk, that may not have been a very good move.

Now my sofa was contaminated.

‘Fucking jeesus hell!!’ I exclaimed to no-one in particular, ‘Where’s the fucking Yellow pages! I need an exterminator now!’

I punched in those telephone numbers so fast and so hard that I’ll bet every Telus operator in the Lower Mainland felt it. Found an exterminator who could do the job tomorrow morning.

‘Tomorrow?’ I whimpered. ‘What am I going to do? I got deadlines to meet. I just can’t leave and check into a hotel?’

‘Sorry, Mac. That’s the best we can do. There’s an epidemic going on you know.’

Being a 6’2” 200lb man of hard muscle all I could muster was a soft ‘OK. Please be here tomorrow. God, what am I going to do?’

So now I’m sitting here feeling all itchy and scratchy and seeing bedbugs everywhere.

How could this have happened?
 

visioneast

New member
Apr 25, 2006
710
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Hey bro, go down to Safeway and purchase a few cans of "Raid."
 

Nickthenoob

New member
Dec 27, 2006
260
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Man... that sucks. Have you slept in a hotel recently? I guess there's a bit of a bedbug epidemic in some places I've heard.

Ntn
 

edmontonsubbie

Edmontonsubbie
Apr 22, 2006
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uh...Edmonton.
i think....

...it's a cool post. Speaking of shit that might happen to any or all....I wish i was 6 foot two with eyes of blue...but i'll live just fine with how i am.

I remember my kids coming home with lice.....nits it's called....I was horrified as was kids mom....so....i went to the local pharmacy in calgary....sorry...all sold out. What? I already felt like a pimple faced kid asking for condoms...and now comes the reply....it's "the season"....geeeze.

The mattress and sheets were tossed onto the deck into the minus 20 weather....thankfully it was that cold.

Go live in the tropics....there is no "killing" season for bugs there.
 

tianna

JUST FUCKING HOT
Mar 19, 2006
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I as well

just gave my head a good scratch.... while I was gone.. my roomate left for a few days too.. lonely with out me I guess.. and when this person returned ... I had a city of ants.. all over the floors!! every room.. thousands of those things.. I even got pictures.. couldn't believe it.. please let us know what those bugs are when you find out about them !! Im thinking that its the weather.. too cold outside maybe.. so they are moving in.. Im not an expert though :)
 

Irishlad

New member
Jan 28, 2007
50
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It is a very common misconception that in order to have bed bugs or any other little critter roaming around, that your place must be filthy or somehow not clean. The reality is that little creatures live everywhere and in the cleanest of houses and cleanest of hotels. There was a very interesting show on one of those 20/20 type tv shows on bed bugs and hotels. They sent out inspectors to all the TOP rated hotels in a number of major US cities. We're talking the 5 star, nothing is better, type of hotel. Not all had bugs but more than 50% had bed bugs...you just got to know how and where to look. They transfer from people to luggage to clothing to beds etc etc. You can stay at a top rated hotel and not realize that the little critters contaminate you clothing or luggage and then you bring them home to your clean pristine home and next thing you know....you got em.

My family are neat freaks and you'd think we were waiting for the queen of England to show up any day, the way our house is maintained. Yet, as soon as spring arrives, little bugs, spiders and every little thing imaginable somehow "show up" in corners etc. They get in through the tinest of cracks in foundations, joints, windows etc. No house or structure is impervious.

Now...are we all itching !!!
 

eurhythmia

Moral Bankrupt
Apr 29, 2006
163
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The horror continues ...

Well, the exterminator arrived early this morning. As soon as he arrived, I opened the door slowly, hiding behind it a bit as is the custom with us perpites, and immediately gave him a big hug! Heck, this is the West End. It's a friendly neighbourhood.

Last night was hell. I was afraid to even get drunk, afraid that I would fall asleep and be swarmed by the little red bastards. If I owned a gun I'm sure I would have had it cocked and ready to fire at anything that moved. Good thing I don't own one, I guess.

I seriously debated fleeing to a hotel. But a lot of hotels have bedbugs too. Plus I didn't want to be spreading the contagion around. So I called up a friend of mine who is a doctor, a GP, and told her my sad tale of woe. She told me to stay away from her.

The minutes passed by like days, nay, months. All the while I kept scanning the room for the bastards.

Many eternities passed and finally the sun rose and I sprang into action. 'Fuck it all to hell', I cried with my most explosive warrior cry. I threw my mattress, boxspring, headboards, and all of my bedroom furniture and the sofa into the elevator (it took a few trips) and disposed of it in the trash bins in the basements. And, yes, I posted signs - Do not take or touch! Infested with bedbugs! Stay away! - on everything.

I returned to my now almost naked apartment and awaited for my beloved exterminator. He arrived, looked over the joint and said, 'You really shouldn't have tossed out all of your stuff. Somebody is gonna grab it and now they got bedbugs.'

'But I put signs on everything,' I mewed in my defense.

'Doesn't matter. This is Vancouver.' he counter-attacked. 'Well, you gotta leave now and stay away for at least six hours 'cause I got to spray. And don't ever touch me again!'

And so now I'm off to Sears to buy all new stuff.
 

AreWeThereYet

New member
Jan 7, 2006
92
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What about car?

I to am a "neat freak" and ALWAYS bug spray hotels I am staying in. I would be freaked out there in or on my clothes or in my car.
 

athaire

Inactive Pooner
Aug 18, 2006
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Land of the living skies

sarahpassion

The passionate one!
Dec 7, 2006
151
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I am scratching now!

My head is itchy now, thanks to the talk of lice and bedbugs. That sucks, sorry to hear that this happened to you. I think you should hire a new maid. I know infestation can happen even in really clean places but if you were that infested she should have noticed.
There are these really good mattress bags you can buy at the Shoppers Home Health store on West Broadway, they are so dense they keep out everything. You can take it off and throw it in wash every month or two. They are sold for people with allergies but I think everyone should pick one up. The highest end one is like $200 or there are cheaper for $100. I also vacuum my bed everytime I change my sheets. I saw on Oprah that your mattress can gain 50lbs with dead skin, dust mites, and dust bunnies over a 10 year period. Talk about nasty.
 

eurhythmia

Moral Bankrupt
Apr 29, 2006
163
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The Horror concludes ... I hope.

The bill for my little infestation of bedbugs is now over $9,000. That includes a new bedroom suite and sofa and many, many martinis.

So during this crisis I did some research on the lil bastards. Some estimates are that at least 50% of the apartments in the West End are infested. By the end of the summer it will be close to 90%.

You may, perhaps, cast a skeptical eye on these numbers. Before my 'crisis' I would have dismissed such estimates as buggy hysteria. I have never seen a bedbug before in my life and believe that most people today would not recognize one even if it bit them on the ass. Which they do. With much gusto.

You may, perhaps, wonder how this could have come about. Well, it only takes one person to infect an entire building.

I think back to when I was a poor student and wouldn't think twice of dragging a 'good' piece of furniture found on the street into my home. Today, I always see young ESL students, amongst others, claiming discarded chairs, loveseats, etc.

A bedbug can also stow away on you - on the bus, in a restaurant, in an airplane (economy, biz or first class, it doesn't matter), in an AMP. Where do you put your clothes when you're visiting some lovely young lass?

And then I started thinking about all of those poor bastards living in those hotels in the skid-row area. Those places are heavily infested.

How do they cope with these things when they can barely get through a day? I'm a master at strategic planning and crisis management and these bedbugs threw me for a loop. Plus I have the money to act on it immediately. And I live in a very upscale building.

I suspect an awfully lot of people are living with bedbugs and don't even know it.

Happy scratchin'
 

TotallyTouchin

TOTALLY TOUCHABLE
Oct 22, 2005
602
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Vancouver
HORRIBLE but pretty funny post!

A drunk neat freak with a cocked gun with no furniture scratching at little red bugs and sipping on a smooth martini...I like it!:p

Pretty funny post! I have to admit that it made me kinda itchy though...oh the power of suggestion:D

Yes..I have seen those 20/20 specials about how dirty everything is (from restaurants to 4/5 Star hotels...) and it is INSANE when you think about it...

The thing that creeps me out is the weird microbugs that move into your pillows and sheets...supposedly. I change my pillows ALL the time.

So I'm sorry to hear that those red bugs cost you such a hefty fee but at least you know that we feel your pain and you have half the perb community itching now!:D

Take care...
 

eurhythmia

Moral Bankrupt
Apr 29, 2006
163
0
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Fuck! Not again!

The lil bastards are coming back! I'm finding bedbug babies here and there on my new sheets and blankets. That means the fucking eggs are hatching.

I called the exterminator again and he told me I have to wait about ten days before zapping them with toxic chemicals again.

This is getting to be like a horror movie when you think the bad guy is finally dead and then ...
 
Ashley Madison
Vancouver Escorts