With the warm weather quickly approaching I’ve really cranked up my workouts at the gym to buff and cut my arms and torso. Doing so, I’ve noticed red splotches on my upper arms, back and legs. I thought I was having an allergic reaction to laundry detergent. I’m a sensitive kind of guy.
At home in my pad-o-lust and carnal desires deep in the West-End I was discovering these little red bugs. I kind of figured these things were flying through from the window from the garden. Days turned into a couple of weeks and more and more of these little red bugs kept turning up. Usually in and around my bed.
Being a busy fellow who has neither the time nor inclination to do my own housekeeping (I hire a maid service) I have to admit I don’t really have much of a clue as to what is going on in my apartment vis a vis the domestic upkeep.
So today, for some unexplainable reason (perhaps my subconscious was compelling me), I decided to have a look-see under my mattress.
Oh!!! The Horror!!! I got bugs. There were whole communities of them. I mean towns and villages with freeways and mass-transit and shopping centers. Bed bugs!
And so I did what comes naturally to a guy. I panicked.
I ripped off all the sheets and blankets and trotted them out to my living room and dumped them on my sofa. Oh, oh, I thought, about 45 minutes later while hoovering my bedroom like an AMP SP gone completely berserk, that may not have been a very good move.
Now my sofa was contaminated.
‘Fucking jeesus hell!!’ I exclaimed to no-one in particular, ‘Where’s the fucking Yellow pages! I need an exterminator now!’
I punched in those telephone numbers so fast and so hard that I’ll bet every Telus operator in the Lower Mainland felt it. Found an exterminator who could do the job tomorrow morning.
‘Tomorrow?’ I whimpered. ‘What am I going to do? I got deadlines to meet. I just can’t leave and check into a hotel?’
‘Sorry, Mac. That’s the best we can do. There’s an epidemic going on you know.’
Being a 6’2” 200lb man of hard muscle all I could muster was a soft ‘OK. Please be here tomorrow. God, what am I going to do?’
So now I’m sitting here feeling all itchy and scratchy and seeing bedbugs everywhere.
How could this have happened?
At home in my pad-o-lust and carnal desires deep in the West-End I was discovering these little red bugs. I kind of figured these things were flying through from the window from the garden. Days turned into a couple of weeks and more and more of these little red bugs kept turning up. Usually in and around my bed.
Being a busy fellow who has neither the time nor inclination to do my own housekeeping (I hire a maid service) I have to admit I don’t really have much of a clue as to what is going on in my apartment vis a vis the domestic upkeep.
So today, for some unexplainable reason (perhaps my subconscious was compelling me), I decided to have a look-see under my mattress.
Oh!!! The Horror!!! I got bugs. There were whole communities of them. I mean towns and villages with freeways and mass-transit and shopping centers. Bed bugs!
And so I did what comes naturally to a guy. I panicked.
I ripped off all the sheets and blankets and trotted them out to my living room and dumped them on my sofa. Oh, oh, I thought, about 45 minutes later while hoovering my bedroom like an AMP SP gone completely berserk, that may not have been a very good move.
Now my sofa was contaminated.
‘Fucking jeesus hell!!’ I exclaimed to no-one in particular, ‘Where’s the fucking Yellow pages! I need an exterminator now!’
I punched in those telephone numbers so fast and so hard that I’ll bet every Telus operator in the Lower Mainland felt it. Found an exterminator who could do the job tomorrow morning.
‘Tomorrow?’ I whimpered. ‘What am I going to do? I got deadlines to meet. I just can’t leave and check into a hotel?’
‘Sorry, Mac. That’s the best we can do. There’s an epidemic going on you know.’
Being a 6’2” 200lb man of hard muscle all I could muster was a soft ‘OK. Please be here tomorrow. God, what am I going to do?’
So now I’m sitting here feeling all itchy and scratchy and seeing bedbugs everywhere.
How could this have happened?