My broken heart..

Miss*Bijou

Sexy Troublemaker
Nov 9, 2006
3,138
44
48
Montréal
I'm warning you, this is a downer. And It's long too...
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It isn’t always fun and games. Sometimes it hurts. A lot.

N is someone I met through the erotic services section on craigslist some months ago. I don’t care much for posting ads there but do reply to interesting ones I come across. Like his. He was looking for someone to go visit him at his office on a grey and rainy Saturday afternoon for some fun and games in the boardroom. I love that kind of stuff, thought it was different and could definitely be a good time…so I answered. We weren’t able to arrange it that day because of timing but as I found out later, it was lucky for us things didn’t work out because we would have been caught by his partner who showed up unexpectedly. So instead we agreed to meet soon at my incall.

He was very upfront right away that he was looking to see someone regularly, the same person. He had been seeing the same sp, the only other one aside from me, for over a year until she decided to retire. I don’t usually get excited when someone tells me this, simply because it seems that most times sometimes someone has said this, the first visit is the last anyway… Needless for me to get into all details and reasons as they are personal but he told me he had been very sick with cancer 2-3 years ago but was now fine. Since he was not interested in dating, nor did he have the time to (he worked crazy amounts of hours), this was a type of arrangement he liked and he didn’t have to deal with a girlfriend. Sounded like my own feelings about it too so I knew we’d get along just fine..

It took a couple weeks for us to manage to get together but we finally did meet at my incall on a Thursday afternoon. I always like the moment when it’s time to open the door and see who’s behind it. It’s kind of a stressful thing but for me, the excitement makes in a fun thing everytime. I think, how crazy that 1 minute I have no idea what someone looks like, the next I’m opening the door wearing next to next, then let’s get naked. It’s kinda crazy, but a good crazy I think I’m hooked on, really.

He was standing there, tall, quiet and calm, with his gym bag which I later found out was the reason he used to explain his absence from work. Cute guy in his thirties. If I think back on the other times we got together after that first meeting, I think it was very different and we were both more reserved, nervous and a little shy. Normal. But we still had a good time, just getting used to each other I guess. But I don’t think I had any idea how much fun our meetings would turn out to be after that first time. Maybe he did.. he emailed me right away later that afternoon to thank me, let me know he enjoyed our time and asking me if I would also be interested in getting together again. I agreed.

This was around the same time I found myself without an incall location and while I was searching for one, he emailed me one day to see if I would be willing to visit him at his work the following Sunday. He would be working all day and there would be no chance of getting caught this time since his partner was out of town. How can a girl dream to refuse an offer like that? We agreed he’s email me on Friday to set up a time for our Sunday boardroom fun and games. I did get an email that Friday, but instead of waiting until Sunday he asked if I would be available to come over that same evening.. Lucky for both of us, I was.. I got dressed as if going for an interview, complete with skirt, stocking and heels. I don’t think he expected it but I do know he loved it! He met me at the back door and we headed up the stairs to his office. Walked straight to the board room. This is when I realized the sexual energy / chemistry between us was going to be a nice ride…every time. Great, passionate time in the board room. He joked that he would think about this at every one of his staff meeting in the future. He later told me he couldn’t help but smile one day when in a meeting with a client…and that client chose the same chair we had. I think he loved being reminded of it at work and with no one else having a clue. I would have too.

Sunday came and I was surprised to see an email from him since we had moved up our meeting to the Friday evening. His email said he was at work, no one in the building…and he had the elevator key. Well, again… how can a girl possibly turn that down. So we agreed to meet again. I wore stockings and heels again, but this time a dress and no underwear. I am always going to remember those two times we met at his office. There are many more meetings that followed and they were all more fun than the one before… but that was just HOT.

We continued to meet, but all the following visits where at my new place. When I went to montreal for 10 days or so, he emailed me wondering when I would be back hoping we could get together that Friday.. I was flying in that day but arriving too late for him to meet me. I had to write him back with my disappointment that we couldn’t find a time because having had spent my time in montreal relaxing and staying at my mom’s, he was going to miss this energy build up from almost 2 weeks without sex. His response was 1pm, Saturday. Great. And it was..

We met regularly, and as often happens some kind of friendship developed and more was talked about. He was interesting, intelligent, kind of mysterious and a little cynical – which I like. I think he found me amusing and kind of intriguing in some ways… I was his little secret and this was his secret fun time. We both enjoyed each other’s company and I think both felt there was some kind of mystery to the other..which is probably part of the reason our meetings were never dull, nothing was forced..especially not conversation. One day we met and I noticed he was a lot more quiet than usual. I didn’t push it, silence is okay for me.. but I was a little concerned. As he was leaving, he said it would be 6 weeks before we could see each other again.. I was leaving for Alberta and he was going to be in the hospital for a few weeks. I asked if he was okay. His answer was, I will be. He smiled so I left it at that, hugged him and said 6 weeks was a long time! He agreed and walked out.

Over the next weeks, he emailed me regularly. I think he was bored in the hospital…who wouldn’t be?! Near the end of my visit in Alberta, he asked if I would be interested in going to see the Canucks and then finish the night off with desert at my place.. Hell ya! Was my answer!! So we met on that Monday, had a great time at the game and even better post game. He was more talkative than ever before, he ended up sharing some stories and events that somehow made me feel like I knew him more. He seemed a little tired, talked about all his plans. He had just hired someone to take over much of his work load so he wouldn’t work crazy hours and have some time to himself. His company has an office not far from montreal.. While his partner is usually the one to travel to that location, he planned to go himself in June and take a few days together with me while I would also be in montreal. He was also planning a trip to Hong Kong.. He had tons of plans and was really excited about enjoying things and his money. He even emailed me 2 days later on the Wednesday to try to set up which dates we could meet in montreal.

2 days later, I got another email. All it said was, I am back in the hospital, don’t count on me for montreal – hope all is well.
My heart sank. Really. The following Monday I received an email from him asking where his bday boob pics where? I laughed… of course send him tons of boob pics (mine!) for his birthday!

The next couple of weeks we emailed back and forth almost every day. I never really knew what exactly was going on with him. He didn’t say, I didn’t feel it was right to ask. I just wrote him and wrote him, hoping it would give him some distraction. I wrote silly stuff. He said I was crazy but he loved my emails so I just kept writing him.

This past week he asked me if I would be available to go to Whistler with him for a couple of days when he was out of the hospital. He said he should be out in a few weeks.. I thought maybe I had overreacted and it wasn’t so serious after all. I was surprised and most of all, so relieved. He talked about that for a couple days and then asked me if I had a passport and could travel to the US…he wanted to go to Las Vegas.

A couple of days ago, he asked:
Where is the one place you have wanted to go and have not?

Not being able to narrow it down to one place, I jokingly told him I’d have to think about it some more and get back to him on that one.

I got a reply right away saying he was having a tough go of it and would not be in touch for a while. Heart sank again. I told him I was sorry to hear that, to please get back in touch when he could. I said I’d be thinking about him and sending him good vibes and thoughts….that maybe it would help. I feel so stupid thinking about that now. How the hell does that help him! He said thank you…. And that was it.

Until I saw an email from his account in my inbox today.
It was written by a friend of his, but from his email account.

I am a friend of n and he asked that i send this to you. He has been sent home and most likely will not recover. He said thanks for the game and being crazy. I have a sense of who you are now and you meant a lot to him.


He just turned 32. He is a great person and I am lucky to have met him and gotten to know him. I am heartbroken and so sad that this is happening to him. It isn’t fair, it just isn’t.

This isn’t all about money. If you think it is or if you live your life that way, you are missing the point. It’s about so much more than that. You miss out on a lot if you can't realize that. What a waste..

I’m sorry for the long text and not sure why I'm sharing this here but I just don’t know what else to do with myself right now..so I’ve just been sitting here writing, crying and thinking about how unfair it is. Wondering how he is doing right now, if he's okay or if he's scared. If he has his dog next to him. He probably does.

And I have no idea if I will see him again. But I'm so grateful someone wrote me to tell me and he didn't just disappear without me ever knowing anything.
 

wpgguy

Banned
May 13, 2005
675
3
0
My heart goes out to you Miss B.

I'm afriad I know exactly how you feel. Just be thankful you had him as a friend and remember the good times you had together. It's the best way to get over the pain.
 

twoblues

New member
Apr 25, 2006
817
1
0
North Vancouver
Wow...all I can say is that I went through a similar incident with a woman I loved who developed cancer...it is a horrible thing to go through...and I'll never forget that person.

Just remember how much you meant to them and how much you helped them get through the tough times.
 

Pimmel

New member
Jul 28, 2006
122
0
0
Just remember the good memories. don't be sad, i'm sure you have given 'n' lots of great memories. At least, when he goes, he'll be happier because of you.

Life isn't fair, that's just the way it is. I understand your pain. don't think what more or less you could have done, just know that you made someone happier.
 

Randy Whorewald

Orgasm donor
Sep 20, 2005
3,327
0
0
Greek Islands
www.randydyck.com
So sorry to hear this sad story Miss B. Life is just not fair sometimes! :(
 

Quarter Mile'r

Injected and Blown
May 17, 2005
3,599
133
63
Out of Town
My feelings do truly go out for you Miss B as I can relate completely.
A friend of mine is going through cancer treatments and I talk to this
person regularly to help keep their spirits up. What else can we really
do other than letting them know we care.

Take care and best of luck girl.


...........QM'r
 

TotallyTouchin

TOTALLY TOUCHABLE
Oct 22, 2005
602
3
0
42
Vancouver
That is very sad sweetie but very beautiful

Wow. It is times like this when you realise that this is waaay more than a job.
I am very sorry to hear about your friend hun. He sounds like a lovely person and never underestimate the positive impact that you had on his life.
Best wishes for your positive frame of mind my dear.
 

athaire

Inactive Pooner
Aug 18, 2006
2,468
13
38
57
Land of the living skies
I am so sorry for your loss, he sounds like someone that really enjoyed life and you were very fortunate to have known him. Be thankful that you had the opportunity to meet him.........
 

good2bbad

Banned
Mar 8, 2006
555
1
0
A very sad but all to familiar story. I am very sorry for your loss. Remember the good times.
g
 

TotallyTouchin

TOTALLY TOUCHABLE
Oct 22, 2005
602
3
0
42
Vancouver
Btw

You sound like such a lovely lady to be so invested in this gentleman. I am sure that your clients really appreciate the special care and thought that you are giving them. Keep your head up sweets
 

freakychef

Unregistered Abuser
Apr 23, 2003
727
2
0
53
In my own imagination!!
Very beautiful post and not easy I bet....

..to share that with everyone!!! It is more than a job as it is just people interacting! We are all humans and need, to feel love, companionship, freindship etc. Remember the saying "No man is an Island" So sorry to hear that Miss Bijou!!
 

HankQuinlan

I dont re Member
Sep 7, 2002
1,744
6
0
victoria
It is touching and Miss Bijou definitely has talent as a writer. It is unfortunate that such a tribute is only available on this board.
 

luvsemall

Member
Mar 19, 2007
126
0
16
Iwannarocu

I couldn't agree more. I can't say I enjoyed the read considering the subject but when Miss Bijou was pouring out her heart I couldn't help but think, wasn't it nice to see a involved, caring human being here, albeit hurting, and that compelled me to read the entire thing.

I must say I am pleased to see the emotional side of this lady instead of some sort of money only machine. Although the topic is indeed sad she can revel in the thought that she provided happiness to her friend and he obviously though quite a bit of her.
 

totravel

New member
May 21, 2004
792
0
0
Miss Bijou, no doubt you feel fortunate to be able to fulfill some of the man's final wishes, but I see the inevitable emotional cost to yourself.

I agree with luvsemall, this business can affect you, if you give of yourself beyond providing a physical act only.
 

Miss*Bijou

Sexy Troublemaker
Nov 9, 2006
3,138
44
48
Montréal
true but..

This life can affect you just as this business can.. it's one and the same as this business is a very personal and human contact and dynamics are much the same for both.. The only thing that separates it is different boundaries perhaps, but it's much the same.

I only know one way to be and to change it in the context of this business isn't something I ever consider. I know myself and my limits...so I simply adjust my boundaries. My mentality and the way I see this work might be very different than for others but that's ok, I think I'm getting used to somehow always doing things a little different. But it works for me and makes me happy...that's all I care about. How I am feeling now doesn't tempt me to change things.. I would have missed out big time.

I'm not sure if that makes sense at all..but to me, shutting some part of me off because it's business or work, would be wrong because that is most beautiful and wonderful part about this work and dealing with other ppl. If you don't ever let it affect you in some way or another, you are missing something. You are missing many wonderful opportunies when it's all there in front of you. I can understand and respect another's choice to be unwilling to risk being affected.. but for me it isn't an option I consider.

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Sea to sky.. I'm sorry reading is such a challenge for you...:confused: If I may suggest it: hooked on phonics worked for me. ;)
 
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Moose

New member
Apr 27, 2006
234
0
0
It is only now I realize why I had such a great time when we meet, Miss Bijou. You actually care about the men you meet and not just see us as bank machines as some may. You are, Miss Bijou, an amazing lady. Never change. I never know what to say in these situations so I will give you and your friend my heartfelt condolences.
 

LaCreme

RETIRE SP
Mar 19, 2007
484
0
0
IN YOUR WALLET
Hey miss bijou i feel you

I'm warning you, this is a downer. And It's long too...
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yeah my hart go off too. mine is almost broken as well and it hurt went is in point of no return but it alway a way to fix this. yeah is not all the time about money i agree. is sometime that little feeling you dont fine in other person that make them special.. like missing u or someone you just met. sorry if my english here is not perfect is my 3th language.
 

woof22

New member
Apr 23, 2006
14
0
1
You have had the privilege of giving this guy a reason to smile in his time of hardship. I don’t think you will ever realise how much you have touched him. We can always look back and remember good times but he will carry his memory of you forward into whatever battles he faces. From your description of his conversations, you sound as if you were a source of strength for him. Life is sure a fragile thing.
 
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