Funny Story... Live Monologue

shedevil

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Jul 19, 2005
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A SAVAGE LUST GARDEN
I was talking to a client yesterday about The Tragically Hip. The base of the conversation was about a live monologue that was done in one of his songs.

TTH, has some of the best live monologues I have ever heard. I have seen them 4times.

This one is hilarious.

She had a beautiful apartment. She had a beautiful apartment.

Well, actually it was a lousy apartment, but she — she’s very handy with her hands and she’s got Architectural Digest magazine, so she knows what she’s doing.

She likes to decorate her apartment in the Santa Fé tradition. I told her it was dated, but I see more of the world than she does.

She got an apartment where the property was cheap. Next to the freeway. She said, “I save lots of money, but I lose lots of sleep. In my apartment where the property is so cheap.”

And we’d laugh, and we’d laugh, and we’d laugh.

Oh, we’d take pot-shots at the passing cars.

And we’d laugh. Oh, we were dumping the body and we’d laugh. We found a place that was dark and rotten. A place where the police helicopters would never spot it. I destroyed the map that we’d so carefully dotted.

Every day we’re dumping a body, she and me. Every single day. And we’d laugh about it.

That’s when I knew it was time that we’d both kill ourselves, together. Together, we were nothing but a menace. Apart, we were nothing but lonely.

I read too much. I thought we should kill ourselves. She doesn’t read a thing; she believed me. “Are you really the messiah?” “Yes, I am.” She was younger than me, too. She was younger than me. And I said to her. I said, “You know, Pauline? No one stamps on a burning bag of shit any more. Nobody.”

“Are you really the messiah?” “Yes, I am. Believe it.”

So we, uh, we opted to kill ourselves, as I said. But we had but one rifle, and one bullet, so I told her to put her head down close to the barrel and put the barrel sort of into her mouth. And I’d be right behind her, with my head right behind hers.

And I said her life would end instantly, mine might have a few extra minutes of agony and suffering. She couldn’t pull the trigger, so we attached a string to it, around the lamp to the doorknob. The first person to come into our cheap fucking apartment would blow both our heads off.

And we got, we got to thinking. We changed our minds, you know? I mean, we got scared, and, uh, we kind of chickened out. And we laughed, you know? We laughed a little. What were we thinking? We’re not — together, we’re not that bad, we don’t — we’re not that bad. We don’t need to kill ourselves. We don’t need to kill ourselves.

And then the D train rattled overhead, and knocked the joor a, the door ajar, the joor adar, the door ajar, the jar a door, the door ajar.

And oh — the faulty lock — the door swung open!

And killed her.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

— Performed by The Tragically Hip at The Roxy in Hollywood, California on 3 May 1991.
 

souljacker

Total Noo-B
Dec 14, 2005
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shedevil said:
I was talking to a client yesterday about The Tragically Hip. The base of the conversation was about a live monologue that was done in one of his songs.

TTH, has some of the best live monologues I have ever heard. I have seen them 4times.

This one is hilarious.
It's funny, the Hip really aren't the type of music I usually listen to, but I really like them anyway. I think the thing that I like the best about them, however, is the fact that their live shows are so much better than their studio stuff. I've only seen them once, but it was fantastic, and I've heard recordings of a few of their concerts. With a lot of bands their studio stuff is so over-produced in order to make it sound decent, that when you hear them live it's just crap. Not so with the Hip! They play at the same skill level live as in the studio, but on top of that, when you hear them live you can tell that they're really into it, and really enjoying themselves and the moment, and it just makes everything so much more fun!
 

totravel

New member
May 21, 2004
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Gord Downie Monologues

The monologue was in the middle of Highway Girl, from the Hip's '87 self titled album. I've heard the live version on the radio a few times.

Another good one:
"I had a job before this, I had a job before this. Ultimately it was that job that drove me into this. I worked at an aquarium, an aquarium with lots of money from the government so it was huge!
I was a Clean and Scrub man, we called each other in the C&S union. I scrubbed the inside of the killer whale tank. And after a while the boys in the C&S — the Clean and Scrub — we just sorta made it one word.
The killerwhaletank. The killerwhaletank, unh, the killerwhaletank, unh. I’m going into the killerwhaletank.
I got along with these two big beasts so well it was like they knew me. They looked at me with their hundred year-old eyes and it was like they knew me. I’d put on my scuba gear, my mask, my regulator and I’d fall into the tank with nary a sound, maybe a “ffflk”, and then I was underwater.
Sometimes I’d jump out, right in front of the window. When people are expecting a killer whale and they see a human they get spooked! Spooked. Anyways I’d do that.
But I was in the water this particular day, unbeknowst to me, Shamu and Bartholomew, their relationship had gone stale. Seems I was going in there so much, and I was looking so good, Shamu took a shining to me.
And they’re so smart those things you know. They’ve got all these human emotions. Love, lust, green-hundred-year-old-eyed jealousy! Bartholomew… was livid! Unbeknownst to me, I can’t hear a goddamn thing underwater!
He came up, he was bumping against me a lot. That stale, killer whale, bumping up against someone so pale and frail. How was I supposed to know the killer whale relationship had gone stale? Welllll…
He brushes up to me a couple times, his skin’s like sandpaper. I say, “Hey man, Bartholomew, what’s up? What’s goin’ on big fella? What is it? What is it? I don’t want to steal your mommy and I sure don’t want to take the place of your daddy. I only wanna be your friend.”
And he circled around, I thought we were all patched up and I was scrubbing and he took my, he came and he, he came and he, he ripped, he ripped my left arm off. I mean, the killer whale, they’re beasts of the deep, they’re quite docile and friendly in captivity but somewhere along the line, thousands of years of breeding just snapped and he took my left arm off, man. He took my left arm, my fucking left arm.
“What is it Bartholomew?”
I spoke to him in a language he could understand as I came back! Beeoo, bwoo, bwoop, beeoo!"
(performed in the middle of New Orleans is Sinking).

I've seen the Hip 4 times, and Gord Downie solo once.
To appreciate his freeform ramblings it's essential to have good sound. The worst concert I saw was the Music at Work tour at Pacific Colisseum, the opening act had muddy sound, and the sound guy didn't care enough to fix it for the Hip.
The Hip have a new album coming out Oct 17th, called World Container.
 

shedevil

Banned
Jul 19, 2005
1,098
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A SAVAGE LUST GARDEN
totravel said:
I've seen the Hip 4 times, and Gord Downie solo once.
To appreciate his freeform ramblings it's essential to have good sound. The worst concert I saw was the Music at Work tour at Pacific Colisseum, the opening act had muddy sound, and the sound guy didn't care enough to fix it for the Hip.
The Hip have a new album coming out Oct 17th, called World Container.
I fucking love the Killer Whale Tank Monologue. :D

I am going through withdrawal, I need to see them. It's been 2 years!
So many good ones to choose, but this is second to the Highway Girl Monologue.

They are so good live, although they have become repetitive. At least they know that and they play all of their older tunes. A new album means a new tour!

Always a good time at the Hip. I always go with my middle sister. They are her fave. I can't wait to get her really good seats for it.

SD
 
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shedevil

Banned
Jul 19, 2005
1,098
0
0
A SAVAGE LUST GARDEN
souljacker said:
It's funny, the Hip really aren't the type of music I usually listen to, but I really like them anyway. I think the thing that I like the best about them, however, is the fact that their live shows are so much better than their studio stuff. I've only seen them once, but it was fantastic, and I've heard recordings of a few of their concerts. With a lot of bands their studio stuff is so over-produced in order to make it sound decent, that when you hear them live it's just crap. Not so with the Hip! They play at the same skill level live as in the studio, but on top of that, when you hear them live you can tell that they're really into it, and really enjoying themselves and the moment, and it just makes everything so much more fun!

All true. Good synopsis. I like all kinds of tunes, they are an excellent Canadian band.

There are a lot of bands that live up to their studio sound, they are one of them.

I love it when Gord Downie dances with his banana maraca. (Cordelia)

I seen them at the Centennial Concert Hall here, which is normally reserved for Jazz, or classical.

They had 2 shows and they sold out.

During the show, the audience sang louder than them and the mezzanine above me was shaking. The only time I have seen that since was Pearl Jam.

SD
 
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