Here's a Three Pack:
A guy asks a young blonde he’s just slept with, “Am I the first guy you ever made love to?”
The blonde ashes out her cigarette and replies, “You might be. Your face looks familiar.”
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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a “handywoman,” and started canvassing a nearby affluent neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
“Well, how much do you want to paint my porch?” he asked.
The blonde, after surveying, responded, “How about $50?”
The man agreed, and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing right there.”
A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” the husband asked.
“Yes,” the blonde replied, “and I had lots of extra paint left over, so I gave it another two coats.”
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.
“And by the way,” the blonde adds as she purses her earnings, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Lexus.”
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A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Montreal and I’m staying right here!”
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won’t move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Montreal and I’m staying right here!”
The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won’t listen to reason. The pilot says “I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I have learned to speak ‘blonde.’”
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and without hesitation, she gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section. The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
“I told her First Class isn’t going to Montreal.”