Wild Weekend Tales

Addison Cortez

Addixion
Sep 14, 2017
851
5
18
Any stories to share?


Beyonce was in the bar I was serving at sat night and just before closin time she came up to me and told me she lost her cell phone while dancing. I just said wait till we close then walk around the bar callin it from my cell and hope to hear it. She said I can't cause I had it on vibrate. So I said, well if u liked it u shulda put a ring on it!
 

islander1-1

Well-known member
Oct 9, 2015
951
349
63
Southern Vancouver Island
most times vibrators give off a bit of noise, especially when in contact with something hard. Unless its a dead ringer.. Oh the lines here are endless.....
 

Addison Cortez

Addixion
Sep 14, 2017
851
5
18
most times vibrators give off a bit of noise, especially when in contact with something hard. Unless its a dead ringer.. Oh the lines here are endless.....
Ppl often as me “is your suitcase vibrating?” When it’s my purse, they just don’t even ask...
 

JimDandy

Well-known member
May 17, 2004
2,931
464
83
66
Lower Mainland, B.C.
Any stories to share?


Beyonce was in the bar I was serving at sat night and just before closin time she came up to me and told me she lost her cell phone while dancing. I just said wait till we close then walk around the bar callin it from my cell and hope to hear it. She said I can't cause I had it on vibrate. So I said, well if u liked it u shulda put a ring on it!
Cute story but I call bullshit lol. I saw Beyonce on TV in the audience while watching US Open Women's Final on Saturday around 2pm our time. I don't think she flew to Kamloops from NY in a couple of hours. But it is a funny story :)

JD
 

Addison Cortez

Addixion
Sep 14, 2017
851
5
18
Cute story but I call bullshit lol. I saw Beyonce on TV in the audience while watching US Open Women's Final on Saturday around 2pm our time. I don't think she flew to Kamloops from NY in a couple of hours. But it is a funny story :)

JD
well, on Sunday... I was buying some eggs. There was a lady already checking out so I put my eggs on the counter and started waiting. The lady checking out came to me and gave me tearful hug. Confused and caught off guard I gave her a halfhearted halfhug. She said quietly that I looked just like her recently passed daughter and asked me to grace her with the phrase “see you at dinner mom” when she leaves so I humbly agreed to give her this small gift, and so she left and I said “see you at dinner tonight mom!” So the cashier said my total was $149.60../ to which I couldn’t help but raise my voice asking “for free range eggs?!? Holy hell thats a markup!!” And she shockfully said “your mom said you were paying for her groceries!” So I ran outside to try to stop the lady. Thankfully, she was still getting into the cab so I grabbed the door and told her she needed to pay for her things to which she responded by kicking me away from the door she was trying to close. I wasn’t going to be played like that so I grabbed onto her leg and started pulling on it just like I am pulling yours
 

JimDandy

Well-known member
May 17, 2004
2,931
464
83
66
Lower Mainland, B.C.
well, on Sunday... I was buying some eggs. There was a lady already checking out so I put my eggs on the counter and started waiting. The lady checking out came to me and gave me tearful hug. Confused and caught off guard I gave her a halfhearted halfhug. She said quietly that I looked just like her recently passed daughter and asked me to grace her with the phrase “see you at dinner mom” when she leaves so I humbly agreed to give her this small gift, and so she left and I said “see you at dinner tonight mom!” So the cashier said my total was $149.60../ to which I couldn’t help but raise my voice asking “for free range eggs?!? Holy hell thats a markup!!” And she shockfully said “your mom said you were paying for her groceries!” So I ran outside to try to stop the lady. Thankfully, she was still getting into the cab so I grabbed the door and told her she needed to pay for her things to which she responded by kicking me away from the door she was trying to close. I wasn’t going to be played like that so I grabbed onto her leg and started pulling on it just like I am pulling yours
You are an interesting lady lol. Be sure to let me know the next time you are in Van :)

JD
 

Addison Cortez

Addixion
Sep 14, 2017
851
5
18
You are an interesting lady lol. Be sure to let me know the next time you are in Van :)

JD
Thank you! Will do!! May I add you as a friend??

I was planning to be there today, actually...instead I am taking my car in for front end work...*sigh*
...and had an incredibly boring weekend lol!!
 

Vpete

Member
Oct 29, 2017
99
37
18
So I was reading this article online last Saturday about an interesting procedure going on in some less privileged countries. Basically it’s for people with problems with their eyelids that have become damaged over time. What can happen is that through a surgical technique they can be fixed by a skin graft replacement. So the docs doing this realized that they could do it but did not have a great source of skin due to the nature of the people and poverty. What they discovered was they could use foreskins from circumcisions. It was a successful at first until after some time those who had received the procedure had all gone cock-eyed.
 

nightswhisper

Member
Feb 20, 2016
789
8
18
At the end of the year, the varsity rugby team usually has its playoffs. This year my college had won and, being best friends with the captain, I was invited to a party to celebrate with bros, boobs, and booze.

About half way through the night, Captain Hancock came over and, trying to stay as calm as he could, whispered into my ear.

"Dude. I need to throw up."

"The fuck. Why are you telling me? Just fucking go do it in the bathroom."

"I'm the Captain. I gotta look cool y'know? Can you come like... help me throw up?"

Incredulous, I threw my arm over his shoulder in pretense of that "brotherly manhug thing" to help him to the restroom.

Once in, he tried to enter the toilets, only to find all three occupied.

"I... fuck man can't hold it any more." said Hancock.

"Just use the trash can."

"I can't... I gotta..."

Realize that Captain Hancock is 250lbs of 5'11 pure muscle that can send any human being flying with his pure velocity and mass. Somewhere around his 8th beer in, he seemed to have lost all sense of logic and, with it, his ability to gage his physical prowess.

Captain Hancock took three steps back and, before I could stop him, decided to full fly-tackle the third toilet door. The thundering sound of the wood cracking against the hinges was followed by the sound of a THUD as the wooden piece rampaged against what poor soul was enjoying his Saturday evening sitting on the john trying to shit away his fifth Corona.

"OW WHAT THE FUCK!" came the voice behind the door.

"What the fuck is going on?" said another.

Captain Hancock, now on the verge of losing his dinner, lunch and breakfast, peels away the fallen toilet door and dumped his otherwise fecal mass orally all over poor Reginald the Toilet Bloke. Except it wasn't a one time clean projectile vomit - It was a sequence of stop and goes.

"What the fuck! Dude. What the fucking fuck!" said the bloke with the pants around his ankles.

By the time it had ended, Hancock finally realized what he had done and a look of utter failure came to his face. He took three step back and, trying to sound as cool as he could, asked me "Dude. Fuck.. what should I do?".

Sarcastically, and relatively amused at this situation, I suggested "Well. Why don't you just punch him in the face too."

Hancock took one good look at me, ran towards the toilet, and gave Reginald a jaw-breaking good night whose crack echoed through the barren walls of the toilet.

Hancock ran out of the washroom, leaving me stunned, greeting the other toilet-tenders as they stepped out to watch the scene in front of them - A man, covered in vomit, laying unconsious, on the floor, with his pants around his ankles, next to a toilet bowl of his Corona-laden fecal matter.
 

JimDandy

Well-known member
May 17, 2004
2,931
464
83
66
Lower Mainland, B.C.
At the end of the year, the varsity rugby team usually has its playoffs. This year my college had won and, being best friends with the captain, I was invited to a party to celebrate with bros, boobs, and booze.

About half way through the night, Captain Hancock came over and, trying to stay as calm as he could, whispered into my ear.

"Dude. I need to throw up."

"The fuck. Why are you telling me? Just fucking go do it in the bathroom."

"I'm the Captain. I gotta look cool y'know? Can you come like... help me throw up?"

Incredulous, I threw my arm over his shoulder in pretense of that "brotherly manhug thing" to help him to the restroom.

Once in, he tried to enter the toilets, only to find all three occupied.

"I... fuck man can't hold it any more." said Hancock.

"Just use the trash can."

"I can't... I gotta..."

Realize that Captain Hancock is 250lbs of 5'11 pure muscle that can send any human being flying with his pure velocity and mass. Somewhere around his 8th beer in, he seemed to have lost all sense of logic and, with it, his ability to gage his physical prowess.

Captain Hancock took three steps back and, before I could stop him, decided to full fly-tackle the third toilet door. The thundering sound of the wood cracking against the hinges was followed by the sound of a THUD as the wooden piece rampaged against what poor soul was enjoying his Saturday evening sitting on the john trying to shit away his fifth Corona.

"OW WHAT THE FUCK!" came the voice behind the door.

"What the fuck is going on?" said another.

Captain Hancock, now on the verge of losing his dinner, lunch and breakfast, peels away the fallen toilet door and dumped his otherwise fecal mass orally all over poor Reginald the Toilet Bloke. Except it wasn't a one time clean projectile vomit - It was a sequence of stop and goes.

"What the fuck! Dude. What the fucking fuck!" said the bloke with the pants around his ankles.

By the time it had ended, Hancock finally realized what he had done and a look of utter failure came to his face. He took three step back and, trying to sound as cool as he could, asked me "Dude. Fuck.. what should I do?".

Sarcastically, and relatively amused at this situation, I suggested "Well. Why don't you just punch him in the face too."

Hancock took one good look at me, ran towards the toilet, and gave Reginald a jaw-breaking good night whose crack echoed through the barren walls of the toilet.

Hancock ran out of the washroom, leaving me stunned, greeting the other toilet-tenders as they stepped out to watch the scene in front of them - A man, covered in vomit, laying unconsious, on the floor, with his pants around his ankles, next to a toilet bowl of his Corona-laden fecal matter.

If this is supposed to be funny, you and I have a very different sense of humour. I just feel sad for the bloke in the toilet. Unless, of course, I missed some detail ???

JD
 
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