Luxxxe Affaire

Comments and/or advice would be appreciated

YoungWerther

New member
Dec 1, 2011
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Firstly I should apologize for the Tolstoy version this post became. I didn't intend for it to be this long when I started. Also, I'm from out east but the site for my region limits new users to moderated posting and I'm not sure if the moderator on that site would allow it to go through, so I hope you'll forgive the intrusion of an interloper.

Maybe it's a familiar story for other people here but it has never happened to me before and I have no idea how to deal with it. I know I'm not the first person to experience this but that knowledge brings little comfort. Given the peculiarities of this life and its requirement for anonymity, posting on a site like this is the only outlet I have.

I broke the big rule - I developed serious feelings for a SP. Not just lust and not just a passing infatuation, the real thing. I certainly wasn't looking for it, I was happy enough to go about my life with no emotional entanglements. Then I met her and suddenly the sex was only of secondary importance, I treasured the opportunity to just sit and talk with her, spending time together. When we did proceed to the physical part, I found it had become an intensely emotional and personal experience for me. No one has captivated me this way before.

To keep seeing her, having these feelings growing in intensity and keep them bottled up was not a sustainable way for me to live and I eventually worked up the nerve to tell her. By nature I'm a very quiet, introverted person and putting my heart on my sleeve like that took extreme effort. I didn't want to put her on the spot or make her uncomfortable so I thought it best to send an email. After spending literally all day drafting, redrafting and revising it, I spent close to half an hour just sitting at my desk, debating whether or not to click "Send."

The resulting rejection was what you would expect (and, if I'm honest with myself, what I too knew was most probable). Not surprisingly she asked me to not contact her again and of course I acceded to her request.

The rejection was almost 6 months ago. Shortly afterwards I did the ever so predictable thing and sought out a meaningless encounter with another woman, hoping that would help me recover. That was a big mistake, it only made me feel worse (and, although it may seem stupid, disloyal). Since then I've led a very solitary life, eschewing one extreme for the other, and that will probably continue for the foreseeable future. Maintaining this solitude isn't much of a challenge - I don't mind admitting my confidence has been shattered. How could I misjudge a situation so badly?

The problem is that all these months later I still feel crushed under the weight of an all-consuming melancholy every day. I manage to hold it together when I'm at work or out in public but sometimes when I get back to my empty apartment I just fall apart. Keeping up the pretense that I'm feeling fine is exhausting. Usually I'm successful but sometimes the facade slips - one day a co-worker asked me why I looked so depressed.

I just drift through each day, going through the motions, doing what I have to do and waiting for the day to end. The diversions I previously enjoyed no longer offer any comfort. I used to really like to cook but now I only do it as a biological necessity. I used to enjoy sitting down for a quiet evening of reading or listening to music, now I find my mind wanders and I can't focus on what I'm listening to or reading. I used to enjoy the occasional glass of scotch but now I'm scared I would develop a habit of drinking to excess and where that road would lead.

Usually when I have something troubling me, I find solace in going for long walks but even that is denied me. Now whenever I go out, all I see are couples holding hands, enjoying each others company. I don't begrudge them their happiness but seeing it really twists the knife. It's gotten to the point that even just thinking about sex, physical intimacy, love, any associated topics cause me much distress and I try to avoid exposure to them as much as possible.

I think the disparity is a big part of what makes this so difficult to get over. That I regarded her so highly and she thought so low of me is just devastating. Based on the tone of our last email exchange I suspect she may have even actively disliked me. She occupies my thoughts so much even now and I wouldn't be surprised if she's already forgotten all about me. I wish I could do the same.

Conventional wisdom is that eventually things will get better, although it certainly hasn't so far. I just wish I could fast-forward to that day. Like Wotan, nur Eines will ich noch: das Ende.

So there we are. If anyone has any comments or words of advice feel free to post them. Commiseration or even just a slap in the face and telling me to smarten up. If this topic goes ignored maybe at least putting it out in the electronic ether will prove cathartic in some way.
 

uncleg

Well-known member
Jul 25, 2006
5,461
591
113


O.K. so I'm pretty sure you know that already. There are a number of threads on this topic, and while there are those that agree that there can be a relationship between client and SP, not many recommend it as a first choice. I take it you are a younger person, under 30 without a lot of life experience. Take this as a painful lesson in life, but try to come away from it stronger. Console yourself with this thought, it's better to be alone then to wish you were alone.
 

Umbras

Member
Jul 17, 2011
208
0
16
Vancouver
The only advice I can give you, is to get a therapist and start working your issues out. No amount of advice here will be able to help you resolve what is going on by yourself.

Take care man, it is not the end of the world.
 

PlayfulAlex

Still Playing...
Jan 18, 2010
2,584
0
0
www.playfulAlex.com
Maybe it's a familiar story for other people here but it has never happened to me before and I have no idea how to deal with it. I know I'm not the first person to experience this but that knowledge brings little comfort. Given the peculiarities of this life and its requirement for anonymity, posting on a site like this is the only outlet I have.

I broke the big rule - I developed serious feelings for a SP. Not just lust and not just a passing infatuation, the real thing. I certainly wasn't looking for it, I was happy enough to go about my life with no emotional entanglements. Then I met her and suddenly the sex was only of secondary importance, I treasured the opportunity to just sit and talk with her, spending time together. When we did proceed to the physical part, I found it had become an intensely emotional and personal experience for me. No one has captivated me this way before...

So there we are. If anyone has any comments or words of advice feel free to post them.
Try not to be too hard on yourself, YW, you're right in that you're certainly not the first guy that's ever experienced this. Having said that, you really do need to get a grip on reality here. Although you say you mis-judged her feelings for you (she didn't reciprocate), it really doesn't sound like you had any real basis to judge her feelings on. No question, you were smitten, but once you're in that place, it's so easy to let the imagination run wild. So you created romantic scenarios in your head...who hasn't done that, c'mon let's be honest here, folks?!

All you need now is a good dose of 'Smarten Up'! All good SWs know that part of their job is to make the visitor feel really special, and it just sounds like you forgot that part! She never agreed to have feelings - you just made that up and now you're paying the emotional price. But you can definitely forgive yourself and move on with your life! No one wants a relationship that's one-sided anyhow; save your affection for someone who does reciprocate and thinks you're the bomb! I'm sure you'll find her!

Meanwhile, let the fantasy of Ms. Gorgeous SW go!!!!!! You created it - you can un-create it too!!!!!!
 

wilde

Sinnear Member
Jun 4, 2003
3,019
25
48
Consider yourself lucky, an unscrupulous SP might have lead you on and milk you for all you are worth.
 

Gentle-man

The true gentle-man
Mar 10, 2011
172
0
0
Vancouver, BC
Yes you fell and got too close... You risked, good for you, had you not, you would always wonder what if...
But the risk did not pay off, and now it is painful... that is expected. Some people bounce back fast, some people take a long time. It`s cliche but if it it doesn`t kill you it`ll make you stronger...

The pain... this too shall pass, give it time, but don`t worry about it, don`t bottle it up and never deal with it. Let it hurt and slowly the pain will dissipate over time.

Remember that these lovely ladies are professionals skilled at making you feel like the center of the universe for a small period of time. After that the vacation is over and it is back to real life.

this thread might help

https://perb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?158478-Falling-in-love-with-an-SP
 

Alix Turner

Member
Apr 27, 2011
433
0
16
Consider yourself lucky, an unscrupulous SP might have lead you on and milk you for all you are worth.
Totally agree here...she did you a favour...
I totally agree, keep in mind that often times when men fall for an escort.. she's fully aware that he's fallen for a fantasy, attached himself to this fantasy and is expecting that she will conform to it (and will not be comfortable with the ways she may vary from his ideas), and is going to be unhappy with her/himself/whatever else he feels entitled to be upset by, when she tells him that she doesn't "love" him back.

It isn't fun to lose a client when his expectations expand beyond what escort relations are intended to provide for.

You're miserable because she said no? Or were you miserable before you met her, got grandiose ideas about what life would be like with her, and now are miserable because you miss a relationship and future that you believe you might have had.. despite the lack of evidence to substantiate your desires.

Ultimately if you can accept that she wasn't your future, make a list of things you know you want for yourself, and a plan of action defining how you will put yourself in the best position to acquire them or make them happen.. I think it would serve you best to do so. Otherwise, I'd go with the therapy that Umbras mentioned

good luck and remember..
"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen

;)
 

chilli

Member
Jul 25, 2005
994
12
18
When I went through my depression it was because I had "lost all hope" I really couldn't see living the life that I wanted to live ever becoming possible.

I don't know if this is true - but from reading your letter there seems to be some smilarities.

Now I am vibrant, losing weight, making more money and dating again.

It was a journey that took me over 2 years.

There are a ton of books written on what you are going through - essentially, my best advice is to realize this is going to take a lot of time to work through.

Ask yourself what is it that you really want from this life?

What do you need to do to get it?

As for your depression, it really does feel like a black hole that never ends. At least it did for me. Just know that although it can last for what seems like forever - it won't, if you figure out what it is that you really want and start taking small baby steps to make it happen - one day you will wake up feeling a little bit better about life and yourself.

And then one day.... a day you can't even contemplate yet.... but one day - this will all be a distant memory.
 

DavidMR

New member
Mar 27, 2009
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From the end of 2009 thru to the end of 2010, just over 12 months, I was seeing a young SP who I quite enjoyed as a sexual companion. I did not fall for her, I just enjoyed our encounters. Then, without explanation, she cut off all communication. It hasn't hurt me deeply, but the lack of any explanation does bother me. Did I do something wrong? If so, what was it, because the last word I had from her was that she was looking forward to our next session.

It's not quite the subject of this thread, but it does have to do with mutual understanding and decipherable communication.
 

YoungWerther

New member
Dec 1, 2011
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I can't thank everyone enough for their replies. It's given me much to think about. Even the image uncleg posted gave me a chuckle.

Just posting this, finally getting it off my chest, has made me feel a lot better. I was definitely apprehensive, I figured most replies would be more of the slap in the face variety. I've been carrying it around inside for too long with no one to act as a sounding board.

I don't know if it's necessary but I also want to stress that, notwithstanding the login name I chose, no one should have any concerns about self-harm. That is most definitely not an option, I'm not that far gone.
 

vancity_cowboy

hard riding member
Jan 27, 2008
5,499
7
38
on yer ignore list
The problem is that all these months later I still feel crushed under the weight of an all-consuming melancholy every day.
hey, look on the bright side - you can write! i mean a line like that one quoted above put edgar allan poe onto the list of classical best-sellers!

you've only got 999 pages to go and you could be in the top row at the supermarket check out lanes... then think of the email you could send to her! (nah nah nannah nah nah)

:) :) :)
 

sweetiepie1

New member
Jun 12, 2010
49
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I agree with
Gonzo that getting this off your chest is the first step to dealing with it. When you get that depressed from rejection, it could be because you were vulnerable to begin with. Don't beat yourself up for misreading her. If she's good at what she does, she gets right into it and that could be misread. I would be more concerned about the strength of your feelings when you found out she felt differently than you thought, and the extent of how it made you feel for months afterwards. Only you can decide if you want or need professional help, but if your depression lasts, its worth looking into. Definately don't allow yourself to withdraw from possibilities for other relationships! I'm sure there is someone out there for you, but you're not going to find her if you don't go out looking.
 

sevenofnine

Active member
Nov 21, 2008
2,018
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my thoughts,
um being in love with some one is a great place to be

it doesn't follow that they have to love you back.
i guess its worse if an sp is invloved, you feel like an idiot, you spent all this money, so
the fuck what,

you loved her or felt the love for her, enjoy that feeling,
you run the risk, when you give your heart to some one, whether you pay her as an sp, or just some one in your life you have met.
its a risk its a big risk, falling in love, that you will come away hurt alone and confused.
and i guess like i said if she happens to be an sp, it just intensifyies the feelings of being alone and such a fool you are.

but you know,
fuck it all,
love is a nice place to be,
unless you did something wrong like stalk her or hassle her,
feel good, you gave your heart to some one and lost. you took a chance,

you don't need a shrink, unless, you want one, need some one to talk to.,

trust me falling in love is doing nothing wrong,
stalking some one is, threatening some one is,

i would rather be some one who has given my heart away then a guy who has never fallen in love.

and i don't know how old you are, but, im like looking at sixty, ok
and i have fallen in love several times, and was heart broken,
you live you survive,
and it can feel like your heart your soul ripped right out of you,
yeah it is so tough,

but the next time, it gets easier,
when your older like me, you will understand caring about some one loveing some one,
is rather a nice place to be, even if they don't return your love or not.
it doesn't mean you can't love some one,


or love some one again
 

jesuschrist

New member
Aug 26, 2007
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Just remember this: there is a great probability that when a girl accepts money from you so you can fuck her, she had contempt for you deep down inside based on the fact that you had to PAY to fuck her and she might think you have to pay any girl to fuck her.

If a girl has no respect for you, she ain't gonna fall in love with you either.
 

uncleg

Well-known member
Jul 25, 2006
5,461
591
113
Just remember this: there is a great probability that when a girl accepts money from you so you can fuck her, she had contempt for you deep down inside based on the fact that you had to PAY to fuck her and she might think you have to pay any girl to fuck her.

If a girl has no respect for you, she ain't gonna fall in love with you either.

One of the truisms of this industry, that doesn't get discussed much. Not good for the ego, even worse for business.

That said here's one more bit of.............................

 

jesuschrist

New member
Aug 26, 2007
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So what's the flip side equivalent of that to you, I'd like to hear your thoughts. If the women have no respect for the men playing this game, what do the men think of the women?

All I can say is, there may be some truth to your thoughts in some quarters but in my experience it's a gross over generalization. I met one of the best friends I ever had through this game and had nothing but great experiences and fun with others. If respect starts off at negative rather than neutral, I don't see how that could have ever happened.
Of course its a generality, but I only stated it so that the OP could be aware of something that might exist and that for any guy who finds himself "falling in love" with an SP, it would be something he would want to rule out right away.

I am quite sure many SP see that if it were not for being paid, there would be no way certain clients would ever be able to bed a woman of her caliber or class or youth or intellect or whatever. If it were a choice not based on a monetary transaction, but on the normal things that a woman would use to choose a guy, most if not all of the clients she sees she would never date. Add that factor to that she may have clients "falling in love" with her on a fairly regular basis just because they are getting their dicks sucked, then another guy "falling in love" with her is nothing special. She is also not being fully herself either, so from her point of view, the guy is falling in love with a girl who is on her best behaviour and not the real her. Is it any wonder that although she may have positive feelings for her client, deep down there is contempt if he turns out to be any kind of emotional drain on her?

In reverse of course, a lot of men while enjoying the sex and what an SP will do for him that a wife or gf won't, also know that she not just does this for him but countless other men. Is it not true that a lot of men, deep down, expect a woman to be chaste to everybody else but a slut for him? I think that expectation is pretty hard-wired even though many of us have elevated ourselves, at least intellectually, to be free of such a primal instinct. Would it then not be far-fetched to believe that many men have contempt for women who sell their bodies for money?
 

YoungWerther

New member
Dec 1, 2011
3
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0
I wanted thank everyone again. The other day was a definite low point for me and this has helped tremendously. Although it may only be temporary, I feel markedly better today, still not great but worlds better than I did. I think finally verbalizing the turmoil and anguish I've been living with these past months and the input you each provided is a big part of that. Now I finally have some suggestions that will provide a sense of direction and focus. I'm the type of person that needs to have a plan of action guiding me and I haven't had one while dealing with this. That lack of drive just made me feel even worse, fueling the gloom and then the whole thing became self-perpetuating.

I suppose I will have to come to terms with the fact that the whole thing was built up in my mind and never had any foundation in reality. It's more than a little unsettling to find out I have such a capacity for self-deception.

Also, in retrospect, I am very appreciative that she didn't take advantage of me when given the opportunity, like some of you said could have happened. I don't mean to sound Pollyannaish, it just never even occurred to me that someone would do something that cruel so she has my eternal gratitude for being so kind.

The suggestions about therapy/medication will be given consideration if this continues to fester, although those seem like extreme solutions and I would like to think that I'm not so delicate that one woman's rejection would make it necessary. Surely it must be possible to deal with this on my own and that would be my preference.

The comments posted here have helped me, I hope they can do the same for anyone in a similar situation who may find this thread in the future.
 
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PlayfulAlex

Still Playing...
Jan 18, 2010
2,584
0
0
www.playfulAlex.com
I wanted thank everyone again. The other day was a definite low point for me and this has helped tremendously. Although it may only be temporary, I feel markedly better today, still not great but worlds better than I did. I think finally verbalizing the turmoil and anguish I've been living with these past months and the input you each provided is a big part of that. Now I finally have some suggestions that will provide a sense of direction and focus. I'm the type of person that needs to have a plan of action guiding me and I haven't had one while dealing with this. That lack of drive just made me feel even worse, fueling the gloom and then the whole thing became self-perpetuating.

I suppose I will have to come to terms with the fact that the whole thing was built up in my mind and never had any foundation in reality. It's more than a little unsettling to find out I have such a capacity for self-deception.

Also, in retrospect, I am very appreciative that she didn't take advantage of me when given the opportunity, like some of you said could have happened. I don't mean to sound Pollyannaish, it just never even occurred to me that someone would do something that cruel so she has my eternal gratitude for being so kind.

The suggestions about therapy/medication will be given consideration if this continues to fester, although those seem like extreme solutions and I would like to think that I'm not so delicate that one woman's rejection would make it necessary. Surely it must be possible to deal with this on my own and that would be my preference.

The comments posted here have helped me, I hope they can do the same for anyone in a similar situation who may find this thread in the future.
Young W, you really do sound like a great guy...life is supposed to be for learning so, again, don't be hard on yourself for this little lesson you learned. It does sound like you're accepting it and moving on. That was a great idea you had, bringing your concerns here to the forum, instead of dealing with your questions and confusion all alone!

Keep your standards high...I'm sure you'll find the lady you're looking for in time...
 
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