Stopped Dating

InTheBum

Well-known member
Dec 31, 2004
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Since I found pooning back in 2000, my dating life has slowly diminished...to the point where my last real "date" with a non-sp, was back in 2003. I find myself having no desire to put up with the headaches and drama of dating, plus I find the "hunt" of finding a SP much more exciting. Not to mention, you can get your dream girl, if you think she is worth the $$$$.

Now...about 11 years into the hobby and well over 100 SP's later, I am wondering do I need therapy? My friend thinks so, but I thought I would put this question to the board. I figure many are in the same situation...
 

Holly Taylor

New member
May 27, 2007
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The question should be about whether you are happy with your life right now and where it's headed. It shouldn't be about what your friend thinks.

Seeing escorts can be both sexually and emotionally fulfilling. Some clients see the same escort for years and years and they are happy with that. However, if what you want is to settle down with a life partner and grow old together, and you haven't gone on a date since 2003, then you might want to start thinking about pursuing your goal.

If that's not your goal, however, then I don't think it's a problem that you're not dating.

I'm sure the guys will have some interesting input on this topic as well.
 

Webster

Member
Oct 4, 2004
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0
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The question should be about whether you are happy with your life right now and where it's headed. It shouldn't be about what your friend thinks.

[...]

I'm sure the guys will have some interesting input on this topic as well.
I'm not sure about "interesting"; what Holly sez seems completely reasonable. If your pursuits are keeping you FROM something that you want - emotionally, financially - maybe you want to look at altering your routine, but that's not necessarily something that requires therapy.
 

juniper

New member
Apr 11, 2006
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I normally find your posts informative, interesting and accurate, "alinburnaby". This one, however, was exceptional, even by your own previous high standards.
 
B

BrokeBastard

Now...about 11 years into the hobby and well over 100 SP's later, I am wondering do I need therapy? My friend thinks so, but I thought I would put this question to the board. I figure many are in the same situation...
My last relationship was 2005 and my last real date was last year. When I think of what I could lose financially and like you all the headaches that come with being in a relationship(and yes, there are a lot of obstacles, look at all the divorces and unhappy couples staying together for the sake of children or wanting to keep their wealth intact), it makes me wonder if it's worth it at all.

ITB, how much do you figure you have spent in this hobby? I think you should stop only if it's going to affect your retirement down the road. Personally I don't think you need therapy.
 
W

westcoast555

Well put..

I think that your friend is right in that you need to examine your motives - perhaps do some self analysis.

You are limiting / restricting your social skill set by going exclusively for what can be bought and paid for vs what must be won through charm and persistence. By so doing, you acquire a certain arrogance - an expectation that you don't have to act well if you have the money / station to acquire what you want without effort on your part.

That can be derogatory to your professional and personal life in areas other than just sex.

I think we can all relate incidents / stories of people that use their wealth / station to cruise through life and, in fact, are unloved and lonely because they gave nothing of themselves to engender any personal affection or loyalty. When they lose that wealth / station, the world turns on them quite rapidly. Dominique Strauss-Khan comes immediately to mind as an example of how rapidly the hidden hatred manifests itself when money / station cannot protect you.

That's the danger of using money / station to cruise through life. You become isolated and easily attacked if the money / station is withdrawn.

Good managers understand this and realize that the use of station as an exclusive means of managing doesn't result in a motivated workforce that is willing to repair issues that go sideways - instead the workforce "encourages" issues to go sideways and makes the arrogant manager "wear it".

Good lovers understand this and would rather have a relationship with someone that wants to be there instead someone who is putting in the legally required time before they can exit the relationship with "their share".

Eventually, every pooner is going to get so old and stinky that he can't find an SP who is willing to give sex for money with him. If he hasn't done any work to build real relationships, he won't even have someone around to complain about it too.
My own feeling is that you should look for a woman you're compatible with.. or enjoy sexual adventures while you can.. and the pooning thing is just a fun little side diversion that's nobody else's business.

Ultimately, you should probably make an effort to have a genuine connection. There's that old saying 'Can't buy a thrill'.
 

cjac7214

Banned
Dec 8, 2008
341
1
0
I don't understand if the OP is saying "can't" or "won't" find a typical relationship, but I think it is "won't" as in doesn't want to.

I am one of those guys in a sexless marriage with no passion, and definitely staying for the kids. If I was out of the marriage, I would be on the prowl for a meaningful, passionate relationship with a female that rocks my world, even though I will lose half in this one (a substantial half). Life is about experience, not the stuff. In my current circumstance, I don't want to date or try to find a lover/girlfriend/partner outside my marriage. My playdates are great (most of the time), I enjoy many of the escorts I have met as characters and personalities (even though I know they see me because of the money) and definitely don't think I need therapy. Fuck, I would need therapy if I didn't see escorts....
 
Jun 15, 2010
443
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Vancouver & Tofino
I think that your friend is right in that you need to examine your motives - perhaps do some self analysis.

You are limiting / restricting your social skill set by going exclusively for what can be bought and paid for vs what must be won through charm and persistence. By so doing, you acquire a certain arrogance - an expectation that you don't have to act well if you have the money / station to acquire what you want without effort on your part.

That can be derogatory to your professional and personal life in areas other than just sex.
BINGO... and brilliant. Well said alinburnaby.
 

InTheBum

Well-known member
Dec 31, 2004
3,045
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My last relationship was 2005 and my last real date was last year. When I think of what I could lose financially and like you all the headaches that come with being in a relationship(and yes, there are a lot of obstacles, look at all the divorces and unhappy couples staying together for the sake of children or wanting to keep their wealth intact), it makes me wonder if it's worth it at all.

ITB, how much do you figure you have spent in this hobby? I think you should stop only if it's going to affect your retirement down the road. Personally I don't think you need therapy.

I could only estimate that it is around 15k over the years...and probably closer to 150 women. Not all full service...in fact many were just massage and tug and/or blow. Or in my youth...car dates...yikes!

The most I ever paid for one session is $$. I refuse to pay more than that...
 

bcneil

I am from BC
Aug 24, 2007
2,099
0
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I could only estimate that it is around 15k over the years...and probably closer to 150 women. Not all full service...in fact many were just massage and tug and/or blow. Or in my youth...car dates...yikes!

The most I ever paid for one session is $$. I refuse to pay more than that...
Well then you'd have saved quite abit of money over dating the last 8 years.
$2000 a year doesn't go far with a girlfriend.
 

GimmeT&A

GTA, SP's CUM & GET SOME!
Oct 8, 2009
135
0
0
Greater Vancouver
Well in the bum. it up to you. do you want a real women who is true and real to you. Or are you happy with what you have.
A real relationship can be amazing but then can be hell. you have to work at it. You have to give to get.
I think Holly and al in buranby post are very good. and share good perspective.
at the end of the day it up to you. money is money, love is love.
 

badbadboy

Well-known member
Nov 2, 2006
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In Lust Mostly
I dunno, maybe its because not all women like it in the bum. J K. :D

:doh:

Your friends suggestion to see a therapist is perhaps worthwhile if you want to get back to a 'normal' relationship. It may be worthy of some personal exploration and you can take or leave whatever help/suggestions offered. My gut feeling is the therapist will encourage you to stop pooning completely. Not my suggestion nor my choice of how to approach this subject.

There are pooners who are basically monogamous with one SP. I found an interesting book (Suggested by Holly Taylor IIRC) called "Paying for it". The writer went from a stable normal relationship to a pooner who was monogamous with one SP by choice. I listened to his interview on CBC radio and the chord it struck with me was the pooner was speechless when asked if his SP decided to retire or stop seeing him.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/arts/books/paying-for-it-by-chester-brown/article2003879/

Hope it works out for you.


:thumb:
 

klamkracker

Member
Jun 15, 2007
312
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Go out and do some dateing and see what happens. Try to get past the sex for sure and do the Coffee/Tea,Walks on the Beach/Seawall or Playland! Have a good time.

KK
 

vancity_cowboy

hard riding member
Jan 27, 2008
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on yer ignore list
yeah, i hadn't really thought about it before, but i too no longer have any desire to play the dating game. this thread is kind of an epiphany for me!!

different buddies of mine play the POF, adult friend finders, online dating games, and they all complain about time-wasters, teasers, gold diggers etc. and i think quietly to myself, 'they just need to start pooning is all...' and yes, they do lay out about the same amount of cash or more for dating over pooning. others who are married lay out a HUGE amount of money playing the 'happy wife, happy life...' game, although i guess they get to share in some of the purchases

i'm sure they all think i'm a closet fag because they never see me with a date or join them in swapping pussy tales

i don't think i could go back. well maybe there would be a true angel of a pooner's dream out there who could keep me distracted enough in a pleasant way that i would give up the pooning, but i have never met a woman in my life that didn't eventually start to exhibit the really annoying characteristics that women are prone to that would send me straight back to the sp ads again

an added complication is Internet posting, which in itself is a very addicting behaviour, and when combined with the addiction of NSA sex forms an almost unbreakable habit/addiction

i have had a couple of atf's, but they never became exclusive - i was always trying out new stuff in between visits to my atf. sometimes i regret this because i keep thinking that if i had just settled on one exclusively, it might have evolved into an ongoing sugar daddy type of relationship which i keep thinking to myself might be the thing i'm looking for... (but then there's that new hotty that just started advertising on erslist... lol)

so i guess i'm getting seriously off topic here - maybe i better shut up, but just some random thoughts about dating vs pooning from my perspective

oh, happy canada day btw :canada:

see what i mean? spending canada day writing on perb instead of out with a date doing whatever guys do with dates on canada day?
 
B

BrokeBastard

I could only estimate that it is around 15k over the years...and probably closer to 150 women. Not all full service...in fact many were just massage and tug and/or blow. Or in my youth...car dates...yikes!

The most I ever paid for one session is $$. I refuse to pay more than that...
You've saved a lot of money spending only 15K over the years. It can easily cost 15K+ a year being in a relationship.

One negative thing about being single is the constant questions about not being married. Everyone perceives you as weird for being single.

One positive thing about being single is you must have amassed some wealth over that long haul. ITB, are you better off financially than your married friends?
 

poorboyv6

Member
Sep 7, 2006
308
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You've saved a lot of money spending only 15K over the years. It can easily cost 15K+ a year being in a relationship.

One negative thing about being single is the constant questions about not being married. Everyone perceives you as weird for being single.

One positive thing about being single is you must have amassed some wealth over that long haul. ITB, are you better off financially than your married friends?
The reason I see escorts is because I can't seem to find someone for a relationship. It's not like I haven't tried over the years. I tried Lifemates, eharmony, Lavalife, speed dating and referrals from friends without success. I face a constant stream or rejection when asking out women. I've given up asking why they aren't interested because each one has their own unique reason.

I have a graduate degree, usually earn around $100,000 a year, am fit, have no children, am handy and do not have any mental or serious physical illnesses or deformities. One thing I have against me is that I am only 5'7". Women are very fussy about height. The taller the better. Unfortunately, the only women who seem to think I am a catch are married or have boyfriends. Sometimes I think they are somewhat patronizing me because I know if for any reason they became single, I would not be their first choice.

I am however, not desperate enough that I would consider dating someone who I consider very physically unattractive or with an irritating personality just to be in a relationship.

I figured I've spent at least $75,000 over the last 15 years on escorts. As far as being better off financially, you are only if you didn't have to go through a divorce.

I am constantly fighting the stigma of being percieved as wierd for being single, so much so that I have even taken an escort to a wedding and a work party to give the appearance that someone was interested in dating me.

If I could find a girlfriend, I'd give up this hobby, but in the meantime, it allows me to get rid of my sexual tension and to have awesome sex with women who in real life would never give me a second look.
 

poorboyv6

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Sep 7, 2006
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I don't think my expectations are set that high. I'm not looking for a supermodel that earns big money. I'd settle for a family oriented girl next door with an easygoing personality who has an average job like a nurse or teacher who watches her health, exercises, is a light drinker, non smoker and non drug user.
 

vancity_cowboy

hard riding member
Jan 27, 2008
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on yer ignore list
I don't think my expectations are set that high. I'm not looking for a supermodel that earns big money. I'd settle for a family oriented girl next door with an easygoing personality who has an average job like a nurse or teacher who watches her health, exercises, is a light drinker, non smoker and non drug user.
not asking for much are you...

i presume cooking, laundry, looking after the kids, housecleaning, dishes, and on special occasions a blowjob for you would fit in there somewhere
 

poorboyv6

Member
Sep 7, 2006
308
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not asking for much are you...

i presume cooking, laundry, looking after the kids, housecleaning, dishes, and on special occasions a blowjob for you would fit in there somewhere
That'd be nice. I'd look after the outside of the house and cars and clean up the dishes!
 
Ashley Madison
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