Carman Fox

marriage family and this hobby

sevenofnine

Active member
Nov 21, 2008
2,018
8
38
i guess its something that i have always wondered about, im married i have kids i think were happy or as happy as anyone.

but you always hear these comments yeah what about your wife.
or some professional saying well there are pills you might take for you over active sex drive.
or dr phil spouting off, under no circumstances are you or should you look for anything outside your marriage.

i guess i would agree with that statement.
if you would follow it up with one saying both partners should work toward physical and emotional happiness.

i guess doc phil has
he has made comments like you have to take care of your self not put on to many pounds and be healthy and vibrant for your partner.

but yeah its kind of any easy thing to say, under no circumstances should you look outside your marriage.

i think for sure the first place you look is in your marriage for physical intimacy and emotional intimacy and happiness
but if you don't find it.
you need something your partner can't give you. or is uncomfortable giving you.

does that mean forever your unhappy or and do with out.

i think we have a responsiblity to our family and our partners for sure.
but where does that responsibilty end. or does it.

i think our first responsbility is to our self. then along the way in life we make other responsbilities and commitments. and yeah we kind of have to keep them were not much of a human being if we don't or try any way

but yet there are times when im just not happy and well i bring my wife down with me and my kids, so in short if i don't take care of myself well then i can't take care of my wife and family
and it can spiral to well a very dysfucntional abusive family not good for anyone.

i dunno but i think you have every right to search out physical and emotional well being
outside your family, if you have tried and your needs aren't being met,

and i think it doesn't necessay mean the end to your family.
it could but does it have to.

im just tired of so many people spouting off well your married or your wife your kids. like that is the answer for everything. and you don'\t have the right to some sort of physical happiness or emotional happiness either.

at times you need more then your wife is able to give you emotionally or even physically, she just isn't able to. or won't

it seems strange i see an sp,
have for years its very comfortable we get along quite well actually.

but thats it she is my sp, im not planning to run away with her or whatever
i should feel guilty but i don't
were even close, but still i don't feel guilty she fills a space my wife can't or won;t

i honestly don't see myself as doing anything wrong.

but i know if i got caught there would be shit to pay,
and all those people would say see.
i told you so.

but honestly
if your married
how much guilt do you have over doing this.

i don't have any

and sps you know men better then anyone
what do you think about a married man, seeing you then going home to his wife and kids.
 

InTheBum

Well-known member
Dec 31, 2004
3,045
46
48
I'm not married and have no kids...so really I can't relate...

But I think you should be faithful, or otherwise get divorced...
 

geek

New member
May 10, 2008
248
1
0
I'm not married and have no kids...so really I can't relate...

But I think you should be faithful, or otherwise get divorced...
I agree with InTheBum. I would go a bit further and say if you are in a relationship you should be faithful. If you aren't getting what you want from the marriage or relationship, leave.
 

Papa Chongo

Who's your Papa
May 22, 2010
489
6
18
Vancouver
Seven,

I am married with kids and I agree 100% with your comments, not too sound too gay but you get me..my situation is the same, I love my wife, I'm not leaving her, but there are voids that she is not filling, I have gone through the channels, suggested counselling...etc etc

I do consider myself a bastard and quite selfish for seeing SP's, that does not mean I feel any guilt, I do not.

I could have more regular sex with my wife, but it would almost always go like this .... 45min to 1 hour backrub, right down to the feet, then should would be receptive to my advances, I can play with her breasts, but for a limited time, they are too sensitive ( funny, they weren't 7 years ago ) the I there would be DATY and Digits, until she had an orgasm, then she might play with junior a bit, never oral ( there was that 7 Years ago too ), she would then climb on Cowgirl and ride until I am done, it's a lame routine and too be honest it tires me, I'd like more attention from her, I find now it is quite often that I cannot finish, the whole ordeal will often take me out of the mood and Junior will fall asleep...what to do

well, this is why I see SP's quite often I do not even get FS, I enjoy the hour of attention, with these ladies is all about pleasing me, and it makes me enjoy pleasing them, or at least having them pretend that I am..I do my best to leave emotion at the door, but I have found some ladies that are really quite neat and I have enjoyed a friendship or two here and there

to those who judge, I say stuff it, you are not me, I would not judge you in your life!

To the ladies of Perb, I am so glad you are who you are, thanks for being there, offering the services that you do!
 

FunSugarDaddy

New member
Aug 15, 2008
1,113
5
0
I'm someone who's done a complete 180 on this topic. 20 years ago it wouldn't have occurred to me to cheat on my wife, but now I do, and here's why.

We haven't had sex in over 10 years, so without sex our relationship has been reduced to that of a friendship and a support system for our children. That said, it's still a fairly comfortable arrangement for all concerned. My wife has economic if necessary emotional stability, The children get looked after, and both economically and socially as they can enjoy their sports, friends, school etc.

And I go to work, enjoy what I do, but need a little more adventure and attention it's just something I need for myself.
 

luvsdaty

Well-known member
Wow, how can some people hold on to a loveless relationship?or a relationship without sex? Children or not,i've been in ltr's & single for long stretches & i gotta tell ya single is waaaaay better! Having said that, i've never cheated on my so while in a relationship & i never would.
 

geek

New member
May 10, 2008
248
1
0
blah blah blah stuff deleted

to those who judge, I say stuff it, you are not me, I would not judge you in your life!

To the ladies of Perb, I am so glad you are who you are, thanks for being there, offering the services that you do!
Honestly I am not judging you, in order for me to judge someone, I would have to care about them. And I don't know you. seven asked for opinions and i gave mine.

Also I am not blaming sp's either, I don't blame the liquor stores for selling alcohol or for the province making money off gambling. If I don't like an sp I will not see her and if she doesn't like me she will not see me.
 

geek

New member
May 10, 2008
248
1
0
I'm someone who's done a complete 180 on this topic. 20 years ago it wouldn't have occurred to me to cheat on my wife, but now I do, and here's why.

We haven't had sex in over 10 years, so without sex our relationship has been reduced to that of a friendship and a support system for our children. That said, it's still a fairly comfortable arrangement for all concerned. My wife has economic if necessary emotional stability, The children get looked after, and both economically and socially as they can enjoy their sports, friends, school etc.

And I go to work, enjoy what I do, but need a little more adventure and attention it's just something I need for myself.
I'm curious what your response would be if you wife wasn't getting the attention she felt she deserved from you and was seeing men who could provide it behind your back. Most women enjoy sex as much as men do.
 

Fractals

Member
Dec 11, 2010
148
0
16
I don't think you guys should worry about what other people may think.

But, being mature individuals, you have an obligation to discuss this matter with your partner. If it's fine with her that you're seeing other ladies, lucky you.

Maybe on her birthday or on your anniversary, as a token of your love and affection, you can hire a handsome, well-endowed, young stud for your wife so she can also experience the same sexual gratification you experience with other women.
 
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Unpossible

A.C.A.B.
Dec 26, 2008
908
13
0
i guess its something that i have always wondered about, im married i have kids i think were happy or as happy as anyone.

but you always hear these comments yeah what about your wife.
or some professional saying well there are pills you might take for you over active sex drive.
or dr phil spouting off, under no circumstances are you or should you look for anything outside your marriage.

i guess i would agree with that statement.
if you would follow it up with one saying both partners should work toward physical and emotional happiness.

i guess doc phil has
he has made comments like you have to take care of your self not put on to many pounds and be healthy and vibrant for your partner.

but yeah its kind of any easy thing to say, under no circumstances should you look outside your marriage.

i think for sure the first place you look is in your marriage for physical intimacy and emotional intimacy and happiness
but if you don't find it.
you need something your partner can't give you. or is uncomfortable giving you.

does that mean forever your unhappy or and do with out.

i think we have a responsiblity to our family and our partners for sure.
but where does that responsibilty end. or does it.

i think our first responsbility is to our self. then along the way in life we make other responsbilities and commitments. and yeah we kind of have to keep them were not much of a human being if we don't or try any way

but yet there are times when im just not happy and well i bring my wife down with me and my kids, so in short if i don't take care of myself well then i can't take care of my wife and family
and it can spiral to well a very dysfucntional abusive family not good for anyone.

i dunno but i think you have every right to search out physical and emotional well being
outside your family, if you have tried and your needs aren't being met,

and i think it doesn't necessay mean the end to your family.
it could but does it have to.

im just tired of so many people spouting off well your married or your wife your kids. like that is the answer for everything. and you don'\t have the right to some sort of physical happiness or emotional happiness either.

at times you need more then your wife is able to give you emotionally or even physically, she just isn't able to. or won't

it seems strange i see an sp,
have for years its very comfortable we get along quite well actually.

but thats it she is my sp, im not planning to run away with her or whatever
i should feel guilty but i don't
were even close, but still i don't feel guilty she fills a space my wife can't or won;t

i honestly don't see myself as doing anything wrong.

but i know if i got caught there would be shit to pay,
and all those people would say see.
i told you so.

but honestly
if your married
how much guilt do you have over doing this.

i don't have any

and sps you know men better then anyone
what do you think about a married man, seeing you then going home to his wife and kids.
Weren't you the asshole who prided himself on being a "proud calgarian"?
 

CJ Tylers

Retired Sr. Member
Jan 3, 2003
1,643
1
0
44
North Vancouver
Honestly, it just comes down to what you can live with. If I was married, I couldn't live with cheating on my wife... maybe that would change in time, maybe not... Ideally, I'd like to be just like my grandparents, whom only wanted to be with one another to the bitter end (no matter what). To me, that's a great ending.
 

sevenofnine

Active member
Nov 21, 2008
2,018
8
38
its interesting in how people get angry and judgmental

yeah i have fucked up, will mostly likely again.


i think my comments are my thoughts


marriage family is something more then just sex
and well its not a piece of paper you get from a church or a judge that you can well rip up when it suits you
kids are forever, a wife is forever, you can leave her, but,
you can live with some one and still not be with her.

you can be a jerk and not take care of your responsibilites.
ya you can walk
you can be a baby and think your life is all about you, yeah,
yeah you can do all of those things.
or you can stay.

honestly sometimes maybe you should walk, some families are dysfunctional just not happy, abusive,

but there is more to life then just sex.
sex is just a hunger that you need to take care of.
if your wife won't or partner,
who hasn't masturbated or gone to strippers or surfed the net.
an sp is just porn,
if your married and looked at porn well you have cheated haven't you.

sp's are just porn. is it that bad. i don't know, but is it that big of a deal.
for sure you could look at it that way, but how is it more then sitting in front of a computer surfing porn.

and then my next comment would be
i also have a emotional relationship with my sp, i have seen her for years,
and its not just dropping my pants hey take care of this honey and then i leave

i have discussed with her things my wife wont or doesn't feel comfortable with, she is a friend.
a good friend but at the same time she has her life, i have mine, there is no thought that were going to run away together,
she fills a space emotionally and physically that me and my wife haven't been able to fiqure out.

i can see how it would be a huge deal to people, my wife my kids, but i come home everynight. im happier.
im planning to leave this hobby one day not her.

actually i feel sorry for sp's
we men go home to wife and kids everynight and we can actually make a good life for them,

sps struggle with relationships it seems to me,
we men just use them and move on. when were done with them.


proud calgarian, still am,
maybe and ass hole, maybe not.

i basiclly put my entire life on this board for people to judge. and think about mostly myself.

you can call me an asshole anything you want. be my guest.
but be a man and put your life out there at lets judge it.
 
W

westcoast555

Dr Phil

i guess its something that i have always wondered about, im married i have kids i think were happy or as happy as anyone.

but you always hear these comments yeah what about your wife.
or some professional saying well there are pills you might take for you over active sex drive.
or dr phil spouting off, under no circumstances are you or should you look for anything outside your marriage.

i guess i would agree with that statement.
if you would follow it up with one saying both partners should work toward physical and emotional happiness.

i guess doc phil has
he has made comments like you have to take care of your self not put on to many pounds and be healthy and vibrant for your partner.

but yeah its kind of any easy thing to say, under no circumstances should you look outside your marriage.

i think for sure the first place you look is in your marriage for physical intimacy and emotional intimacy and happiness
but if you don't find it.
you need something your partner can't give you. or is uncomfortable giving you.

does that mean forever your unhappy or and do with out.

i think we have a responsiblity to our family and our partners for sure.
but where does that responsibilty end. or does it.

i think our first responsbility is to our self. then along the way in life we make other responsbilities and commitments. and yeah we kind of have to keep them were not much of a human being if we don't or try any way

but yet there are times when im just not happy and well i bring my wife down with me and my kids, so in short if i don't take care of myself well then i can't take care of my wife and family
and it can spiral to well a very dysfucntional abusive family not good for anyone.

i dunno but i think you have every right to search out physical and emotional well being
outside your family, if you have tried and your needs aren't being met,

and i think it doesn't necessay mean the end to your family.
it could but does it have to.

im just tired of so many people spouting off well your married or your wife your kids. like that is the answer for everything. and you don'\t have the right to some sort of physical happiness or emotional happiness either.

at times you need more then your wife is able to give you emotionally or even physically, she just isn't able to. or won't

it seems strange i see an sp,
have for years its very comfortable we get along quite well actually.

but thats it she is my sp, im not planning to run away with her or whatever
i should feel guilty but i don't
were even close, but still i don't feel guilty she fills a space my wife can't or won;t

i honestly don't see myself as doing anything wrong.

but i know if i got caught there would be shit to pay,
and all those people would say see.
i told you so.

but honestly
if your married
how much guilt do you have over doing this.

i don't have any

and sps you know men better then anyone
what do you think about a married man, seeing you then going home to his wife and kids.
Monogamy is hard to do.. I happen to be single and would feel very uneasy with pooning if I were married.. I've done usually when I'm not in a relationship. Having said that - although you should try to be faithful, it's sometimes impossible to not want to stray. Who's to say a little sex on the side is such a bad thing?

And more importantly.. FUCK Dr Phil. Fuck him in the ass with a hockey stick.

Just try to resist the urge.. but just be careful when you give in to it. There's a lot worse things in the world than getting a little sex outside your marriage - especially if she's not meeting your needs. Live a little. This is a one way trip we're on.
 

Mr.Boggo

New member
Jun 1, 2010
328
4
0
Tough call. As a single dude, it's easy for me to say that I wouldn't cheat on my SO, but I've never been married.

All I can say is that when I am in a relationship, I've always been 100% faithful, and when it gets to the point that I don't think I can be anymore, I end it, than move on.
 

geek

New member
May 10, 2008
248
1
0
Having been in a marriage where sex is rationed and only grudgingly available if I "Proved" I loved her, I can say that the wife is in no danger of getting an STI once the husband has started pooning.

The only reason he's still there is the children aren't out of the house yet and he's waiting for the wife to find the man or woman that is her "soulmate".

He becomes a workaholic because he knows that she is going to try and catch him cheating. The meetings with SPs are buried in lunches and meetings that obscure the quicky that he has with an SP. NEVER before or after work.

He's learned that he must never congratulate her on an achievement because she will interpret it as a request for sex and feel that she MUST score some more points in front of the children.

He's also learned to not bother talking to her about anything. She's going to belittle or dispute it.

What women don't seem to understand is that men only argue with people they want a relationship with. When he's no longer interested in a relationship with a person, it doesn't matter what they say or think.
Ouch your story alinburnaby is a common refrain that I have heard. It does suck but I disagree with men only arguing with people they want a relationship with. Having a combative relationship is draining
 

gpchillin

New member
Apr 20, 2008
129
0
0
Grande Prairie
I'm single now but when I am in a relationship then i'm loyal as a puppy dog.

If I feel the need to go with other women then obviously the relationship isn't working and honestly either work it out or move on. I know I want her to be faithful to me and if she has relations with another man then see ya, Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. No second chances from me because then what a third, forth, fifth ? When does it end then.
 

geek

New member
May 10, 2008
248
1
0
I forgot to mention.. what about open relationships? Many people who are in a committed relationship allow outside play because they do not want to do certain things (anal, fetish, bdsm, etc) so they allow their partner to seek that with someone else and they have varying degrees of relationships with various people.

A great book explains the many degrees of relationships from monogamy to polyamoury and everything in between, as well as how monogamy is tough for certain people etc. Gret read

"The Ethical Slut"

check it out.
For me an open relationship is good. It means the couple have sat down and talked about it. there is no deception or deceit. in the relationship. Both have decided that they want to stay with each other but each could not provide what the other wants. It's great for couples with two different sex drives.
 

sevenofnine

Active member
Nov 21, 2008
2,018
8
38
its easy to judge a married man who pays for an sp
isn't it.
its easy to judge an sp who takes money for sex

its alot harder to look in the mirror and fiqure out your own life.


the biggest lies we tell
are to our self
 

FunSugarDaddy

New member
Aug 15, 2008
1,113
5
0
I wouldn't take anyone's comments to seriously. I really couldn't care less if some nameless handle on perb has an opinon of me one way or the other. At the end of the day, as long as you're willing to do the time for the crime, that's all that really matters, and certainly no one on perb is in any position to judge anyone regarding this hobby.

I have a couple of acquaintances I know who are getting divorced because he cheated on her with her best friend, so compared to anything like that..we're damn near saints.

And honestly while I don't condone what he did,

(a) I don't know all the facts, and;

(b) it's none of my damn business.


Same thing applies here.

its easy to judge a married man who pays for an sp
isn't it.
its easy to judge an sp who takes money for sex

its alot harder to look in the mirror and fiqure out your own life.


the biggest lies we tell
are to our self
 

geek

New member
May 10, 2008
248
1
0
its easy to judge a married man who pays for an sp
isn't it.
its easy to judge an sp who takes money for sex

its alot harder to look in the mirror and fiqure out your own life.


the biggest lies we tell
are to our self
I was not judging.

I am using words that I believe accurately describes a married man, not in an open marriage, seeing an escort. Is deceit, deception and betrayal of trust not an accurate description?

What words would you have me use?

Bare in mind that if a man steals food to feed his starving family it is still theft.

If you are looking for acceptance you won't get it from me. I am a nobody and my opinion is irrelevant to you.
 
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